Empty the Trash

Monday, June 26, 2016

Somehow I’ve picked up a clog in my system. I have a feeling it’s been building from a slowing of the flow to an all out blockage and after that happens the trash starts to accumulate. 

I can rationalize the clog is not worth keeping- but nothing I try casually seems to be opening the drain. 

Maybe I need a diet cleanse too… This seems to be big enough to disrupt the whole system. 

I hate being ‘off’

This is a whole new week. I am determined to somehow shake out of this physical and emotional rut – I’ve accumulated to much junk and not all of it even belongs to me! I have no right keeping anyone else’s stuff either….

As I head to the barn for our weekly morning with Pam I am aware and try not to dump my emotional junk on my horse. 

Even through my best efforts to control my breathing and movements to be calm and ‘serene’ as possible I see a horse who is more antsy as I saddle her, dances around when I fly spray, and once at Pam’s walks ahead of me making me have to stop calmly every 4 steps to ask her to regroup. This is all regression from where we’ve come and I have no doubt: it’s me. 

Horses don’t lie. 

As I approach Pam she asks how are we doing today? I say …

Honestly not great. I’m unsettled and nothing is that serious I just can’t seem to get the clog open to let it go. It’s been growing for a while now and I’m done with it but still it hangs on!

As we talk I start to feel better just saying it. The things in my head that were looming seem just as small as they really are. And Khaleesi starts yawning and shaking her head next to me as if to say thank God you’re finally letting go of that tension – it was killing me!

The we started some review on our groundwork and we were a great team- I was clear-headed and only focused on what I was asking and my timing. She responded perfectly to my good movement and we clicked right in. 

Then I realized: it was gone. 

The clog had melted away and I was clear again… Just like that. Lighter and free. Horses prefer to travel light. 

I felt relief and also happy to get moving onto learning some new things now that I had let go of junk that was weighing me down. 

Now that is horse therapy!