Six years later…

Yesterday was the prep day for packing up… and the last mountain hike for Khaleesi as we pick up speed toward departing for ride camp tomorrow.

This weekend will be our second attempt at the infamous Beast of the East more officially knows as the Old Dominion 100 mile ride. I remember writing a blog post entitled Love Letter to My Crew and kept thinking I should re-read it, in the very least to smirk at my six year ago self and my first 100 mile attempt quite a bit too early for my horse to do in a way I could feel good about.

A few things have come to mind as I consider the first attempt and approach our second.

This journey… the one that began with an unstarted, basically feral filly I couldn’t reliably get my hands on, to this season where she is reliably finishing 50s— and I think has the foundation built to approach a 100 with the potential to get through the ride— at a cost I’m willing to ask her to pay… it’s been nine years.

I like considering significance of numbers around me and three is a number that holds an otherworldly completeness. Trinity. This ninth season is three periods of three years, and as I look back, the first attempt came at the third year of our first three-year period. That first period was a great example of the unconscious incompetent (when you don’t know what you don’t know). I had considered my journey to 100 might actually be that simple. Everyone around me said Khaleesi was a great solid horse early in our career, and go for it! She’s ready, it’s just you who aren’t. Honor the horse by jumping in. 

Spoiler alert, we lost a shoe in loop one, it tore her foot up, I could have done a hoof rebuild and ride saving measures. I wasn’t willing to do all that only a few miles in. Somewhere in my gut I knew this wasn’t the right time. We pulled. I was no where close to riding that 100 in a way that would honor my horse, and she was no where near ready to do those miles in strength. I don’t know- maybe we could have reconstructed her hoof and kept going, I still think something else would have pulled us out at that point, but I can’t know. I have never regretted the decision to pull her instead. 

The next three years, our middle period, were a mixed bag of success and setback. Maybe we got to move into consciously incompetent (when you begin to see more clearly what you don’t know).

Looking back, I can see these were the years of deconstruction. I had to deal with saddle fit issues that were troubling, intermittent lameness that radiographs couldn’t quite explain, finding a good farrier who was wiling to work with the crazy new technology called composite shoes (that ended up being a vital key in our journey), learning to ride my horse in balance, somehow creating a real relationship (oh the failures in that process…), removing inflammation from her diet, I also went through a painful divorce and begin to rebuild my own life.

By the time Covid hit in 2020, it seems in hindsight that the deconstruction and death had finally been completed, and I was beginning the third period which was a time of emerging out of the cocoon that 2017-2020 had been.  I didn’t enter a single event that year as all the restrictions honestly did not seem like a fun way to spend a weekend- so we spent the time in seclusion putting everything together to re-emerge into the event scene— by 2021 we were rebuilt as a team in more ways than just the horse.

My ace crew Mike Scales and Iva Jamison who are also some of my closest friends and trusted framily were there in May 2021 when we came to a resurrected ride that had been not run for many years at Camp Bethel (thanks Mary Howell for bringing this ride back to life, even for one year so we could also pass through a kind of resurrection ourselves). We finished that 50 mile ride in a return to competition with a solid mid-pack finish (whereas in our first three-year phase we were often turtling the ride and eeking in just under the final clock ticks). Now I had a strong horse, put together to thrive not just get through.

This third, three year period that I am enjoying the last portion of today has been a gift of discovering what makes a powerful partner. The third quadrant of consciously competent. Now we are aware of what we didn’t know and have gotten some good tools and solutions working for us. Being in the consciously competent phase means it doesn’t yet come naturally- it takes effort to plan and function in a positive way- but we are doing it!

We attempted the Big South Fork 100 last September and had a great day. My horse showed me the depth of what she was capable of and we had such joy for 22 hours on the trail (except the whole taking a wrong turn in the dark getting onto a wrong loop, adding 6 miles or so and then running out of time to finish the ride… that was less joyful in the moment, especially when I realized where we were…). We did not complete, but made through 88 miles, and we were healthy and strong. The biggest problem is my propensity to be paying more attention to riding my horse than where we are going… why do I end up off trail or missing a hospitality stop like every ride?! I have to sort that out for pity’s sake… Also I rode the conditions, and the trail was sloppy enough from 5 hours of rain that I just couldn’t move as fast in the dark when we would hit deep mud. The completion wasn’t worth tendon damage or another injury. Regardless of all that- it seemed clear to me… we are close. 

How fitting to think it wouldn’t be until the third year of the third of the three year period that we would get to the goal. Of course, all I can do is show up this weekend, it’s far from a guarantee we will make it to the finish and then pass the final vetting. In that case… the journey will continue. I think a nine year journey with the same horse who has shown questionable suitability at times to succeed at this sport- nonetheless the highest level of the game proves that I am stubborn enough to continue until we make it to the finish. It is not a question of it, only of when.

As I re-read the Love Letter posting from 2017 there were a few things I shifted since then. I haven’t fed beet pulp for years. Today, coolstance and hay pellets are our feed with some oats for quick energy. I don’t feed oats unless we are approaching an event, and I add coconut water instead of only regular water now. Otherwise I don’t do anything else different on a ride day than I do every day with my nutrition. 

Also since then, I have drag ridden the Laurel Run to Bucktail twice so in 2017 that was uncharted territory, now I know that section and it’s not so bad- in fact it’s one of the nicer loops.

The rest of the post- as I read, I was surprised how much of it I feel similarly heading into this weekend six years later. I am ridiculously grateful to have my “third period” crew Mike and Iva on board for this experience. They were with K and me when we returned to the starting line together at Camp Bethel, they came all the way to TN for the Big South Fork 100 last year, and though I am always grateful for those who support me and come out to help crew (Brandea and Abigail are my hometown Biltmore regulars and you guys are awesome!) but Mike and Iva seem to have complimentary skillsets that are a particularly good mix to really help us get through almost seamlessly! 

So this year I have gone a step beyond… no new love letter. Instead I have spent a day in the kitchen and they will get to enjoy favorite sourdough treats: Mike’s favorite organic sourdough chocolate chip cookies (I even doubled the recipe), sourdough discard everything crackers, and sourdough pizza pockets. I’ve heard it said actions speak louder than words!

Regardless, I resubmit my love letter from 2017 (click here to read that entry) and we will report back next week with the news from the ride. 

Whatever comes… I know it will only keep us growing and take us to new places. Hopefully, someday, we will begin to walk in the fourth quadrant of unconsciously competent, and success will be as easy as breathing and walking. It feels tongue in cheek to even write that since I have to put in much thought and effort to this current phase we are in, but someday, if we just stay in the game, whatever it is, that fourth level should come- first in bits and starts, then more sustained… until there is a true measure of expertise and mastery that becomes natural.

Yes. There is more!

See you on the other side!