Khaleesi and I are on a good streak lately: strong connection and great solo rides.
I try to use “I” and “Me” because my horse is always perfect. She is a horse after all. She doesn’t lie and she always acts like a horse. She is a mirror at best and worst of me she is the evidence if what I’m doing is working or not working.
This means when things are going well that I’m getting something right, and if things are going wrong that I’m missing something… Or not giving my best… Or not focused 100% on her when I’m there.
A slight exception, I think, for the concept Dr. Bennett talks about ‘filling in’. So often our horses have to fill in for our shortcomings and they will- for a while so we can learn, and in some horses forever even if we never get better. This is a generosity in spirit they have that always amazes me. My goal and of most true horseman is to not have my horse to fill in for me, but for me to be good enough- or even better than good enough that I can sometimes fill in for her.
I am aware that my horse still has to fill in for my shortcomings at times. My riding isn’t always balanced. Sometimes my legs say too much… I don’t have the most elegant approach angles and timing to dance with her when I go say hello in the field. Still she keeps me on board while we ride and she comes in with me walking head at my shoulder like a team ready to take on the world.
But she knows I’m trying. Every day I strive to hear and understand more. Slowly her language is making more sense. My riding is improving each time. My ability to be sensitive and quiet, to hear and speak in subtleties is always growing.
This week we took another solo ride.
I’ve been focused on feeling my stirrups under my feet. I’ve been imagining her footfalls while I ride. Letting go of any tension in my hips and joints to move with her and stay out of her way. And on our last ride this thing happened. I felt it underneath me and it was loud as it was strong. It was unmistakably different than anything I’d ever felt before.
She picked up a trot along the river after we descended a mountain single track. I believe my riding (with a lot of attention to it over a year at least) is improving- my body and moving with her… I finally find times where one posting diagonal is not less comfortable than the other… I was trying to remember a few things I’d heard are important in riding…
What were those words… Soft? Calm… Carried? I can’t remember… There are 5 concepts… There’s a mental list… I’ve been working on such basic things I can’t remember the next steps that encourage her to carry herself more powerfully… What were they?
But my mind was on the concept- a horse moving naturally with the right muscles, not strung and hollowed out from bad rider balance and position… A horse that doesn’t pull from the front end but powers from the rear. A horse that lifts herself to create space for the hind to reach underneath… carrying herself naturally without ‘aids’ or ‘force’….
I saw that horse in my mind clearly for a moment and I imagined my own body position that would help and not block that horse’s body…
Then it happened…
She lifted up underneath me and I felt her back almost invert like a bow pulled back… She raised up and her legs reached underneath us… I was barely coming out of the saddle in each post… Almost floating though I was still posting a trot… And she felt strong and powerful. It took my breath away.
Wow. This is new. Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh….. Yes. This. Wow.
Then after trotting that way for a minute or so she broke into a slow canter and I felt – really felt in my own body- her hind end push off in a way I’ve never felt before. It was the first time I’d ever felt the canter start from the hind end so definitely. There was a lot of power there.
I couldn’t help but feel that.
It was amazing.
I rubbed her and told her how fantastic she was and thank you for offering that to me… We came to the river crossing and lingered there as she ate grass on the bank and the dogs cooled off.
Good girl.
Many things we do as horse people are worth the effort we put in… The quiet moments alone in nature… Connected to the earth and the universe in a way many people who do not get out into the wild will never feel… Partnering with an animal loosely domesticated and learning to work together… Rubbing the velvet fur… Just the smell of horse- of the earth and the stars somehow.
But this. This was a new reward for me, and worth the many years of trying to ride. Really ride. This wasn’t forced ‘collection’, this wasn’t me putting or even asking my horse to find a frame – it was something she gave me on a loose rein, willing and able to do it on her own because I got out of the way. I let go and allowed her to do it.
It began in my mind… Which changed me… Which changed her.
Let go. Let her.
In some way, this felt like the first moment I truly rode. It was worth the years of dedication to do this thing different and trying to figure out what that meant. The time spent on the ground figuring out how to communicate… Me asking for something and her thinking through the response. Fine tuning the process (because it’s not really about getting my horse to unlock her hind end, it’s about how we communicate). The struggle of how that process would look as I ventured on a path that was my own with this horse. One without force.
It reminds me of this life concept I’m working through where things need to be allowed to happen and not forced into place. I have a lot of strength and too often I use that strength to force things, but a better use of strength is to have the capacity to let go and allow things to fall where they belong. It takes a lot of strength to let go actually. And it takes strength for some of us to be present completely as well (I do believe some are more wired this way than others. I am not).
Let go:
Of my legs
Of my hips
Of my shoulders
Of my neck
Of my tongue
Of her head
Of my goals
Of my timeline
Of my expectations
Of fear
Of the past
Of the future
This doesn’t mean those things don’t exist or aren’t important. And it doesn’t mean being a ‘blob of dead weight’ on her back or not having any goals. But letting go of them mean they don’t drive the process. They aren’t held tightly.
This process with Khaleesi has been one where I’ve tried to learn how not to force her to do anything, but to create the conditions that she falls into the right thing easily. It is a slow process right now because I am learning how. It is a fast process for the horse if I can get it right. Easy for her and harder on me.
If I were to go the other route which I see as more common- I would make it easy on me (this is how I tell you to do x, y or z… And you need to learn what that means and learn to do it even though it may not fit what is intuitive to you) but harder on her.
Humans generally have to use some sort of force to make that happen at least at first because the language isn’t right for them, they don’t really understand and we have to make it uncomfortable enough that they will fill in for us and learn it your way and replicate it going forward. They are smarter than we in many ways and have good memories.
How can that horse ever truly connect with and trust a human? How can the magic happen when force is applied… Ever?
We all make excuses for that moment when we force our horse. At least I have… More times than I’d like to admit. That doesn’t even take into account the times we use force and don’t realize it is force to the horse.
I’m trying though. And each time the magic does happen… I get a taste of that thing.
It always leaves me hungry for more. New layers are so fun to explore- and we do it together.
So worth it. What can you let go of today? In life and with your horse… I dare you.
Just as I’d sighed happily and said how blessed I felt to have a horse that runs to the gate to see me and dips her head into the rope halter asking:
What wonderful adventure will we have together today?
Things change – her hoof soreness has been a factor in that for sure. Occasionally now, especially if it’s too early (I think I have a horse that doesn’t do mornings!) I either have to go get her at the farthest corner of the field or she comes over and when she realizes I have a halter instead of a bucket of food she evades.
This evasion though has been interesting for me to participate in.
I am certain that everything my horse does has purpose and communicates something to me. I look at is as conversation and not rebellion or disobedience.
She does not allow me to approach her close enough to halter her- instead as I come in she’ll move off and sometimes add a buck or kick into the air as she runs a few steps- but she never leaves the south area of the field. She never runs truly away. She has a good 3+ acres to escape into but she stays in the corner of the field with me. Just out of reach.
I calmly wait for her to stop again and approach her best I know in the way I was taught using my angles and knowing when to move and when to stop and when to back up a step or two. I watch her for responses and after a couple times of her kicking and cantering around the grass she will finally invite me in and stand still to be haltered.
I try to avoid adding human motives to her conversation. She does not intend to run from me completely or she could and would do just that.
She may be asking what kind of leader I am today, and can I be one she wants to submit to? How will I react when she dances around the field not ready to come with me? Will I get emotional (fearful, frustrated? Angry?) or can I stay relaxed during that conversation and calmly insist she come in…
She could be letting me know her feet are still not 100% and please not to ride her hard or long…
She could even be teaching me what is a better more appropriate way to approach a horse in the field (she has certainly done this before in a way that if I described it here you wouldn’t believe me).
Maybe it’s just cooler weather has her feeling good….
No matter what her communication is, she knows I’m listening and that makes her more apt to try to get her language through. That is the most important part. I am trying. I may not agree to all you ask for, but I will put my humanness aside as much as I’m able and I will try to hear your voice- not the one I give you in my own head as if you were a little (well actually a huge) human.
Even once in hand she tossed her head once or twice as we walked to the barn. Not aggressively but I took note. She appears to be full of herself today! Pay attention.
Once in the barn she settled in for a meal and I tacked her up with no fuss and we hit the road. I sometimes do a few groundwork moves in the grass before loading, this just reconnects us if she’s at all distracted and brings our birdies together before loading up.
Last thing I want to do is get on the road, my horse in the trailer, and her birdie still in the barn!!
Oh right… The birdie. Let me explain.
I’m reading ‘The Birdie Book’ by Dr. Deb Bennett. I’ve been enjoying her approach to horsemanship and she talks about your horse’s birdie as a conceptual way to think of where your horse’s focus is. Where her mind is.
Ideally you want your horse’s birdie to either be right on her forehead, present where you are, on you (groundwork?) or flying happily just in front of you on the trail (riding) hopefully with your birdie as a happy pair.
How? Well that’s a whole lifetime there, but getting the concept is a great start.
My only goal on this first ride back after our week of NQR (not quite right) was to enjoy some solo time together on my favorite easy ride at a local park.
We could walk the entire loop if she wanted… Just a nice ride that even the dogs could enjoy.
Once we left the parking lot and hit the trail she immediately volunteered a happy trot and we easy-trotted much of the ride. I was able to think about my balance and the sensation of my feet in the stirrups, no tension in my legs and a smile on my face. She was responsive and seemed to read every thought I had.
Our birdies were flying together perfectly in sync.
At some point later in the ride we spent some time walking and I was able to close my eyes and imagine the movement of her feet- feeling my hips moving with her hips and when the trail was wide enough asking her to step over timing the request as best I could with her rear foot coming off the ground. I had some success there and then we hit a section that was grassy with rocky patches and I used that to work on walk-trot transitions and how little could I do to pick up the trot, keep it exactly until a spot I wanted to walk and then how little could I do to ask for a walk.
This was fun and though all I had to do was think “trot”, walk was harder and took a few extra trot steps and slight guidance from my reins most of the time.
The entire ride was lovely and connected and I found it interesting to think of how the day started with her kicking her heels up in the field and refusing to come to me. That could have signaled a rough day for us but it didn’t. I think it has a lot to do with how we as the humans interpret horse communication.
beautiful fields at my local park
I recently read a blog that mentioned how often trainers seem to be writing about or talking about the big R… Respect. I agree with the blogger that too often everything is lumped into ‘respect or disrespect’ when horses have so many more complicated responses than those two. Without even getting creative there is also fear and curiousity and how the human responds back to the horse is integral as to how the horse will continue to respond in turn.
If every unwanted response is considered disrespect and dealt with too harshly- you can bet you will continue to get what you are asking for: a disrespectful horse.
Certainly it’s not so simple… If you truly are getting a disrespectful response and you don’t address it then you will also encourage that and get more disrespect.
So for me the answer is always observe and not jump to conclusions. Know my horse and have a relationship with her that allows her to communicate, and listen to her also being ready to say ‘nope. Not doing that today’ without getting upset about it or being overly critical. I try not to nag her or make her feel bad for her choices. My personality has a tendency to be critical and I want her to feel good about being with me- not that everything she does is wrong.
I think this approach set up a wonderful ride where we were as connected as I’ve ever been with her.
It’s a constantly evolving thing! Never know what the next day will bring. But I hope I will always learn something and continue to understand her more.
It’s not so much a journey I’ve learned as a dance. So we dance- the best I know how.
I have not only been lax in my blogging recently, I’ve been lax in my riding schedule as well. You- my reader friends- are not missing out on much in my silence.
First Khaleesi got a solid 12 day break after her sore feet at the Iron Mountain Jubilee ride. Then our first two rides were walking out to my main connector trail, getting off our horses and hand walking through briars with clippers trying to do damage control on a late summer jungle of berry thickets that had taken over the last few weeks. Back in the saddle but not much to write about.
Trail clearing- she always does her part!
Meanwhile my work year is beginning and to-do list is lengthy with my local teaching program (the Allegheny Mountain String Project) needs enrollments, letters, recruiting trips to schools and our fall creative workshop takes a ton of time and energy! Add to that my college teaching begins and scheduling that puzzle along with creating my updated syllabus with the newest verbiage in our ever updating handbook and rehearsals begin for our first faculty trio performance in early October. Have I been practicing enough??
Jamming a little twin fiddles at the workshop with TaylorAll onstage at the Masonic Amphitheater in Clifton Forge, VA
Then there are always the day to day like trying to keep up with my garden jungle and laundry, relationships, grocery shopping and eating and sleeping.
So riding had to take a back seat fora couple weeks and that is probably not a bad thing coming off the last hard 50. K could use a little down time. I still go see her everyday and we have been catching up on groundwork here and there.
Unfortunately though last week something went awry with my mare just as I was beginning to think I could start to ride again. On a gentle walk with a visiting cellist who used to ride – Khaleesi began to act strangely. Shifting her rear weight- I thought she was going to kick faygo and I moved her forward to nip that idea in the butt. We were getting close to home so when I asked her to pick up a slow trot and she bucked and tossed her head I knew something was wrong. She should be wanting to get home not slow down.
I got off and checked her for bugs and burrs. Nothing. Tried again to same result. Walking seemed ok so we walked home. Tried to trot her out 2 days later and she fell down. Yep- on all four. Very odd.
Well we had finally gotten a good 12 mile ride in the week previous- the first real ride since IMJ 50 and that afternoon the farrier came. She could have still been sensitive and bruised a hoof… Or another easy solution would be if it were farrier related (a nail too close to a sensitive part of the hoof).
First decent ride since Iron Mountain: 12 miles up the mountain
My farrier was in the area within a few days and came to see her.
She’s fine.
Yep. I trotted her in circles. No more head tossing. I then got on her bareback and took a spin. All systems check.
I hate that. Mysterious lame foot pain… Gone on its own. I’d like an answer. What happened? Was it in my imagination?
No. I am sure it wasn’t. When I’d try to trot her in hand after a minute shed even nip at my elbow. Not normal for her at all. She reared up even once to tell me it hurt and stop making her run around. Something was hurting.
At the moment I’m going to guess the 10 mile ride put her on a rock with a still sensitive foot and gave her a bruise. The week it’s taken me to sort it out healed it up.
I’ll know better when I ride her again on Friday. But at this point the mare (and me) needs to get into work again as we near the one month to Fort Valley mark.
The whole thing had me reflecting in my first true year in endurance riding. People in the sport often say it’s not the ride you are enduring- it’s everything that gets you to the ride.
That’s how I’ve felt the past couple months. Sometimes finding the time to ride is easy and sometimes it’s downright impossible. Sometimes it’s the perfect day but usually there are biting flies or icy paths or slick mud or hunters and fewer available trails Sometimes your horse is healthy and happy on the trail and sometimes she’s lame or mysteriously NQR (not quite right). Sometimes your saddle doesn’t fit, your trailer has a flat and your friends are all traveling in other countries.
But we still try.
Lately life feels like an endurance ride. Just gotta get to the next checkpoint.
Here on this first day of fall I sit in my hot tub with my coffee enjoying the morning light through the trees and dream of riding my horse tomorrow… Because today I have to work!
7am: I felt the excitement of starting with more than 30 other riders in the morning fog along the New River. That feeling you get when you think ‘I get to ride my horse today!’ only times 100 because you are embarking on a 50 mile adventure and no matter how true it is that just to finish is indeed to win… It is still a horse race.
I thought about group trail rides and why this is different, and for me the excitement is in the challenge: I will be graded by my performance today; and I will be ranked. How good am I? How good is my horse? I’ll be graded not only by the vets (humans) but also by my horse. And most importantly by me.
The beauty of endurance riding is it can be as competitive or non competitive as you like. The vets are there to help you and the saying goes if you’re not in the top ten you may as well turtle! My competitiveness is against how good I was last ride. Am I better today than I was then? What can I learn?
For me it is the difference between practicing in your room, jamming for fun with friends, and getting on stage to perform in front of an audience. The stakes are different for each. Today matters. Have fun, but do your best and ride on!
One year- to the ride- after starting Khaleesi in endurance, the Iron Mountain ride is our 3rd 50 mile event.
Ready to go before the start
She finished Biltmore strong, had a solid OD completion where many don’t make it. Every time she seemed to have a good amount of reserves in the tank. I have been curious to see what this little mare had in her- how much untapped potential was in there?
I decided to take her out right at the start instead of hanging back as we’d done in the past. She doesn’t get out of control and the rush of excitement would help her start with more energy. I have read about negative splits- starting slow and then picking up speed through the day, and talked some strategy over with others more experienced than myself; my decision was to take the cool of the morning, climb the mountain and get some fast miles out of the way early. I knew she would slow her pace as the day wore on no matter what, I believed she would be good for the faster pace up front fresh and cool, and I also believed that if she couldn’t – she would tell me. This would also buy us time if we needed it later in the day.
It was not as cool as I’d like even in the morning- I slept with my trailer open and barely needed a sleeping bag. That is unusual. In fact two days later the ride manager posted that Friday’s ride was the hottest in memory.
The first loop went well and I let her canter more often this ride that in the OD or Biltmore. Her heart rate stayed in a nice 115-140 for the most part although higher on some of the hills but if I saw the crest, I’d keep her moving up to the top where we would recover pretty quickly on a downhill.
The first loop is my favorite. Especially the section they call the rangelands where we ride through fields with beautiful views of the valley stretched out in front of us.
beautiful rangelands
We got to camp just before 9am which is under 2 hours to do the first 15 miles. Susan was surprised to see us come in the first few waves of riders. We had just been happily floating along and I hadn’t realized how far in the front we’d been either.
The vet check (VC) is on top of a knoll and in direct sun. I underestimated how long it would take her to pulse down. I thought the heat hadn’t really picked up yet however it was very humid and there was little shade. I didn’t want to haul all our food and water and buckets to the one spot of shade but in looking back that is exactly what I should have done first thing as we ended up doing that eventually anyway. It took 15 minutes to cool her down and pulse. Turns out most horses were taking longer to cool that morning than usual.
Why didn’t I clip her? It would have made a big difference…
All was good with the vet- her CRI (cardiac recovery) went down to 56bpm after trotting out- except gut sounds (we struggle with this…. and it’s why on trail rides with friends they must think I’m a lazy horse owner as I let her eat on trail as long as she doesn’t change the pace or trip from not looking where she’s going.) The vet held her card to be sure she had eaten sufficiently before we went out again. If she wasn’t interested in food that would indicate an early warning sign of metabolic issues.
Not a problem- I had to tear her away from chewing the grass at the vet check to get back to our crew area where she ate ravenously for the 40 minute hold. When we went back ready to go she was in good shape and we were cleared.
Vet Check crew area at Triple C
The middle loop I was unprepared for. It was long (21 miles) and full of significant climbing. It is still hard to get her to leave the vet check with much energy especially to head out away from camp. We picked up what I consider a snail pace until another rider caught up with us and the two horses enjoyed each other’s company for a while.
Another group caught us soon after and we rode together a while until some of the rocky climbing when K asked to fall back. So we did. She takes care of herself and is not the horse who will kill herself to stay with a herd. We rode the majority of that 21 miles alone and she began to complain in the rocky sections.
Why didn’t I pad her for this? What was I thinking?
I was concerned with gut sounds as this loop was longer and also our pace was slower meaning more time on trail without eating. She was not interested in grass when I’d pull over briefly and we couldn’t waste time relaxing in the shade until she decided to eat. So on some of the serious uphills I hopped off – since we were walking anyway – and I’d pick a handful of nice greens from the side of the trail and she began to eat them out of my hand while we walked. I did this at every good climb. Around mile 13 there was a hospitality stop with water for both horse and human along with carrots and watermelon. I ate some watermelon and K even chowed a carrot from the volunteer (she doesn’t always like carrots). Hand walking while hand feeding on the second loop
I had hoped the last 7 miles would be a descent into VC as there’d been a fair amount of good climbing already- but Mike’s Gap gave us another steep rocky climb with steep rocky downhills to follow. The climbs and drops were ok but the rocks were taking a toll.
I did my best to encourage her but listen to what she needed and we slowed on the rocks picking up speed on downs and better footing. Still we kept a respectable pace for the heat, humidity and challenging course to finish the second loop (20.6 miles) in under 4 hours.
We ended up doing the last 3 miles with a few other riders who had caught up to us but as soon as we hit the grass of Triple C I got off and we started hand walking as the other riders charged ahead. I let her stay at the water trough at the bottom of the hill to VC as long as she needed and she drank well. In fact she drank at almost every creek and puddle we passed in that loop and I wasn’t concerned for hydration. She was drinking great.
We took the hill up to VC super slow and I insisted we cool her in shade this time (even more of a challenge at this time of the day with the sun high and Kristen hadn’t been able to pulse Flash yet so she was under the tent trying to get him cool- and the tent didn’t provide a lot of shade either right now). Never worried because you always get what you need and everyone helps out others: the crew for Sarah – who was running in the front and already back on trail- was kind to allow us to use her shade and water and helped us cool K while Susan helped Kristen. This hotter part of the day we pulsed in about 10 minutes- just a little sooner than the morning stop. This time the vet gave her all A’s including gut sounds and hydration. The vet said she looked good!
She ate ravenously the entire hold.
Great- all downhill from here right? Last 15 miles, gradually back down into camp. This is where I’m glad to have a little barn sour as her motivation to keep going home will be on our side. She’s strong and doing well so we should have a nice last push in.
The last loop is where my memory failed me most as we headed back onto trail alone.
This ride isn’t particularly rocky right? It’s not like OD…
True. It’s not like OD.
However. The rocky sections are a bear. And it didn’t take long into the mountain climbs that started the final loop (not the same beautiful rangelands we came through in the morning) were rocky trails and K told me she was done with these rocks and she was walking. In fact she started to stumble on them from time to time and I got off to see if she had picked one up in her shoe.
Nothing there.
<whiny voice> It’s hot and I’m tired… How much farther? My feet hurt. I don’t like all these rocks….
I know but you have got to suck it up. You have shoes on! All the other horses are going through the same terrain and you don’t see them wimping out!! This morning you ran through the same rocks when it was more fun and you were in a group! You can do this – what do you want to quit? Call the ambulance trailer? Get a grip on yourself!!
Who needs to get a grip? Said the other voice in my head. Your horse is out here giving her best for you and who you are most frustrated with is yourself for deciding not to pad her feet. You know you’ll look back at this moment soon and feel bad you got emotional (frustrated) and lost your leadership. Breathe. Realize your goal is never more important than your horse and listen to what she is telling you. You have the time.
I remembered myself. I got back on her and agreed that she could walk the rocks as long as she picked up speed anytime footing allowed. We had bought enough time in the first loop to give us the leeway here. Better to be conservative and ‘complete’ than push her and get a lameness pull at the finish.
The upside was the wooded mountain trail on the return to camp was shaded where the rangelands would have been open sun. Considering the amount we walked (she did willingly pick up speed every time we had good footing) her heart rate was not running high and I felt that at least we’d be coming in basically cool and strong. When she trotted and cantered I paid close attention and felt she wasn’t off as long as we weren’t in rocks.
All in all with walking a decent amount of the last loop and a few stops stops to drink we still kept an overall average of 4.7mph
She got more excited as we neared camp and we trotted in to the finish line at 5:45 pm; with two 40 minute holds that puts our official ride time at 9 hours / 35 minutes and if you were to take off the cooling periods before the holds began we’d be closer to 9 hours moving on trail in the saddle. That would be a personal best for us although our it’s hard to compare apples to pork chops as Biltmore was a 55, and the OD is… Well it’s the beast of the east. Still I knew she gave me her best and I was pleased.
I walked slowly to final vet thinking it shouldn’t take too long to pulse and we had 30 minutes. As my team welcomed us back and congratulated me I actually said don’t jinx us! We’re not finished until we walk out of the vet!
cooling for pulse at the finish
Indeed it took longer to pulse down and cool than I expected and we kept replenishing the ice water – she would go down to 64 then pop up and hover at 69-71. Then I decided to slow walk her to see if moving a little would help and to my horror she was already getting stiff and her gait was off. She didn’t seem lame on one leg necessarily but something was going on. Besides getting stiff from a tough ride she was also dealing with tenderness in her front feet.
After walking her to keep her from getting stiff and then icing her to cool and pulse down (as the ride vets looked over occasionally) we finally got her down enough to get in there and see what would happen. And if something was wrong then I’d rather find out sooner than later.
The head vet took us as we walked in and she pulsed at 64 and he sent us to trot. I couldn’t look- I took the advice given and just kept moving fast as possible — the lead was loose so I knew she was with me. He finished looking her over and her hydration and muscle tone was A, gut sounds were acceptable and she recovered back to 64 bpm (a good sign). He gave her a B on attitude and a B on impulsion (how willing she was to trot with me) and a C on gait.
A C is not great, but it is passing…
Your horse is not lame she is tired. She has some good steps and sometimes stumbles but she passes.
Good girl! I am convinced she knew her job and gave it her last 100% to give us a decent passing trot to finish the day.
I talked briefly to the vet about how she did and he said the high heat was a considerable factor and if it were cooler the ride might have been easier on her than it ended up being.
**This video is from 2 days after the ride. She is actually improved from what she looked like later Friday night when she was sore and stiff but you can easily see how she stumbles on occasion in the rougher grass. After getting her home and observing, I am convinced she had sore feet from the rocks. Her legs were firm and no heat in them, joints did not fill this time at all. She was in great shape except for her tender front feet. **
Friday evening at the ride meeting and awards the head vet commented that if there was one mistake across many riders that day it was not enough electrolytes. I am not sure if that was a factor for us (I assume it could certainly be) but I have been struggling with the electrolyte question this summer. I read some of the successful western region riders do not use electrolytes at all- and they have research to back that decision up.
My mentor (who does use generous electrolytes by the way – so she is an example in the ‘for use’ category) told me how surprised she was that so many tevis horses including the one she rode had very limited electrolytes – her horse got 2 doses only in the 100 mile course.
I stuck with my normal ‘at the vet check’ dose but another vet suggested that best absorption would actually be to give them right upon getting to the hold because they get absorbed with the digestion and once we hit the trail chances are they won’t be absorbed as efficiently. Of course many won’t give them too soon because it could interfere with the horses interest in eating. (Bad taste in their mouth and cranky from the administration).
But we only had 2 holds in this 50 when in my others we had 3. So I was dosing significantly less (33%) in that alone- and in both my other rides I had given extra doses as well. I at least should have taken one on the road for the 20 mile middle loop.
Not thinking…
Of course I wasn’t certain electrolytes really mattered. At this point I’m making the decision going forward to dose more liberally in heat because even if it’s not as important as some believe- I don’t think it’s going to hinder her in any way and a better err on the side of more than less.
I am always grateful for the wonderful vets at the rides. To a one, they are friendly, helpful and care about horse and rider. They are not there to find faults but to help and be sure the horses are cared for. They generously answer questions and always try to give the benefit of the doubt when possible. They are in many ways the heart of this sport and become part of the ride family getting to know us and our horses and watching out for our safety and well being. I have learned invaluable things from AERC vets – in person and online!
I took my ride card to find we had placed 16th which is solid mid-pack but higher than I had anticipated considering how much walking we ended up doing and how many passed by us at some point during the day.
We slowly made our way back to the trailer and I sat to take my chaps off and get my feet out of sweaty damp riding shoes. I fed Khaleesi some grain snacks right from the trailer while she stood near and told her what a great horse she is and how strong she was today. That I was proud of her and thanked her for working so hard for me even when her feet hurt… And I was sorry I suggested she was being wimpy on the last loop. At that moment I had been too hard on her.
Everything went right in June for the OD, this ride I pushed our limits to see what worked and what didn’t and I learned some things first hand that I think were important for me to see as a new rider in this sport.
My horse’s weakness is her feet. No matter what her feet will always be on the sensitive side. She was barefoot almost 5 years living on the mountainside and her first trail rides barefoot… Her feet are healthy and hard – they don’t chip easily and aren’t soft- but she’s sensitive. I don’t own my own property to make her a paddock paradise to possibly toughen her feet over time. I also am not willing to not use her for 2-3 more years while she goes through a barefoot program that may or may not really help her. Bottom line: Faygo could walk through the OD barefoot and stay sound, Khaleesi hates the slightest pebbles. I need to get smart about how to help her move comfortably and keep her feet healthy as possible. My farrier will help me sort it out.
Where is that working limit? She did so well getting through a tough ride but if I want a decade partner I need to keep listening to her so she stays in the game with me healthy and happy. I don’t believe we crossed over on Friday but I saw the line closer than I ever had before. Except the rocks, I didn’t push her as much as put her in a position I knew she would push herself (starting in the front group for example) Be careful what you ask for… I’ve seen horses over ridden that were dull in the eyes, heads lowered, not interested in eating or drinking and whipped to trot out- we were not even close to that- however with the heat and the rocks she gave 110% and I’d like to see her less worn down at our Ft. Valley ride in October. We are in this for the long term.
My limit. Apparently I was tired, got cranky and frustrated and lost my cool with her for a moment as well. I need to work within my ability of being a good leader. This is supposed to be fun! I need to always have sight of that as well.
The heat and humidity. Take it more seriously. I learned a lot about heat rides at OD I only partially used that knowledge to my advantage. I need a better ice plan in the future and will electrolyte more. I would have liked to do better cooling before the last loop but our water had gotten warm in the sun there was no extra ice on the hill. Small things can make a big difference.
By the way I did put a red ribbon in her tail and of course not a kick all day. People noticed it and gave us extra consideration when passing and paid more attention to her body language when riding with us. Even so, she doesn’t tend to kick a horse close on her rear (though working with her mare space demands I have been more aware of what Buck calls her bubble and I demand she not get into other horse’s bubble and now expect others will stay out of ours. Hers is a bit larger than some other horses.) she tends to get pissy pants in riding side-by-side and more often at another mare than a gelding though some geldings she’ll put up with and some she pins her ears at. We had many close riders, no trouble on the switchbacks, rode in groups, and had riders pass us with no incident.
The hoof protection decision is the first one I truly regret. It took a toll on her though I am glad to see some pasture rest has gotten her all but back to good over a few days. I have a responsibility to make the right decisions for her well being and I failed that one and she suffered.
Amazing creatures- she lives in the present and is already over it. They can forgive so much from us bumbling humans if they know we are trying for them.
Such an amazing mare- she always gives me her best. I owe her my best as well 100% of the time
The past is good for one thing only: learn from it. –Dee Janelle
She will have a solid week or more off. Hopefully my learning curve won’t be so hard on her in the future!
So far this trip has been the smoothest of my ride weekends. I feel a slight forboding as it’s been a little too easy somehow.
I got to the barn and found Khaleesi and Faygo both right at the gate in the early pre-dawn glow (their cycle is usually to be at the farthest end of the field before 8am).
When I tried to bring Khaleesi in before 7am on Monday she pranced, bucked and galloped full speed around the field instead of coming to me for so long I took Faygo in to the barn to feed and load my truck and left her out there acting like a banshee alone. When I returned for her the second time she still ran off in large circles a few more minutes before standing still finally and inviting me in to put on the halter.
I could guess what that was about but I’d probably have some human misinterpretation. In the end she took a full 30 minutes before agreeing to be caught and I was ready for that same 6:30am freak show this morning as I tried to head for Iron Mountain.
But there they both were waiting for me as if they knew.
Khaleesi put her head right in the halter while faygo ate the small snack I offered as a consolation. And as we loaded up and started to pull away she walked calmly down the fence line resigned – instead of her usual jogging back and forth and calling.
As if they knew.
Picked up Susan on the way off the mountain and we were on our way. We pulled in late morning and found 4 lovely spacious shaded spots right on the New River. Ricky pulled up not long thereafter with more of our ‘team’.
We checked in without fuss then vetted without a hitch. We went (all 5 of us) to the crew area (Triple C Ranch) and setting that up was light work with many hands!
Upon return to camp it was warm and we had a couple hours before dinner so we donned bathing suits and crocks and I took Khaleesi into the river.
She’s laid down on the trail in mud puddle streams with me at least twice. This was the perfect time to try to swim her!
I hopped on bareback and could hardly keep her from beelining down to the water. She immediately stopped in the shallows and I knew she wanted to lay down but I kicked her forward. I wanted to get deeper. She complied but when we got in up deeper than her belly she would trot hop which could have been due to the mucky bottom I’m not sure, but it wasn’t quite deep enough for swimming yet.
I circled her a few times into deeper water where it was just not deep enough to swim. What she really wanted was to lay down in the sandy shallows and I eventually let her. Hopping off I stayed out of her way as she laid completely down and rolled around sometimes dunking her head and nose under.
As we waded around in the New River she must have laid down 20 more times in the soft mucky sand- to the entertainment of the other horse owners who had normal well behaved horses that stood quietly in the water. Apparently I had a sea serpent.
Again I was reminded of the water horses of the Scorpio Races book we listened to driving to Charleston this month. The legend of the Capaill Uisce [kap-il Ish-ka] who were the fastest horses if you could capture and tame one. If not you could be their supper.
A carnivorous horse that comes up from the water each fall. Amy Stone might believe the carnivorous part… hopefully she’ll be fast tomorrow!
Dinner and the ride meeting took longer than expected but all standard.
Before climbing into my hammock I spent my traditional few minutes under the moonlight with Khaleesi. The river seemed to have turned her fur to velvet and her washed out golden highlights glimmered under the stars. I slowly followed the curves of her muscles with my hand down the line of her neck and back till I touched the grease paint ‘143’ scribed onto her hindquarters.
I listened to her munching hay and drinking as I fell asleep.
Our luck continued however when at 2:30 am a loose herd came barreling through somehow not taking out Khaleesi’s pen (many others not so lucky). Khaleesi snorted and paced but no escape for her and eventually the loose horses were all apprehended.
Must have been a wild band of water horses come to lure Khaleesi back to the depths. This time however, she stayed.
I feel like we’re starting to get the hang of this because instead of intense week advanced planning and double checking my training log, I keep having to remind myself that in two days I’ll be pulling out for the next 50 at Iron Mountain.
I suppose this is another anniversary of sorts: Iron Mounain last year was Khaleesi’s first LD event. We truly turtled the ride and barely finished in time but took it super easy for a new horse and she did great.
2015 Iron Mountain 30 mile- first rideAs I had no idea how she’d do we chose red and green ribbons… green for a new horse and red as she may kick… though she didn’t!
This year will be the first time I see the whole 50 course and my girl is strong and ready – also well rested. August has been full of travel for me (vacation for her!) with some good mileage in between.
I did a fast 15 miles over a week ago interspersed with some friendly leg stretches and rode 20 miles yesterday with a fair amount of climbing. She was strong and fit through the whole ride. ‘Can you step over here…’
The entire green bean team is planning to ride Friday which leaves Susan the only crew person! She’ll have her hands full and I really appreciate her being willing to come help!
One thing I am considering is a red ribbon… She doesn’t go out of her way to kick but she isn’t the mature patient mare who will put up with any questionably rude behavior from her equine competitors. She was great yesterday but I am on watch and my group knows to not tail her closely and just give us space when passing. It is common courtesy really but in a large ride some people don’t pay attention or assume every horse is as tolerant as their own. A red ribbon might at least remind others to give us a little consideration.
One thing is for sure: she is full of herself. I like her confidence but sometimes the leader has to work to keep it in check!
My ride plan – which as all plans is subject to change- is to ride alone as much as possible and to let her go. My concern with her usually is that she holds back her reserves … She takes care of herself (not complaining about that quality!) so I don’t need to hold her back in general and in riding alone we can choose the most efficient pace for her at any time. It’s hard to know if we will be alone though because you never know if you’ll end up with riders roughly your pace and for how long.
At Biltmore we rode almost the entire ride alone, at OD we almost never rode alone although we hooked up with many different groups at different parts of the course. She’s been doing a fair amount of cantering in the past 6 weeks
One thing I do plan to do differently is to allow her to canter more in this ride than I have in the past. She likes to canter and tends to have efficient heart rate there as well. Her best trot is not really as fast as I’d like to see it (though it’s developing more speed over time) and she can hold onto a canter for longer keeping up with Lynne’s horse (Mercuric’s) faster efficient trot.
I’ll be watching her heart monitor of course. Unless it’s noticeably uphill she tends to canter around 105-115 Bpm while at the same speed in a trot is more like 120-130. Her 100-110 bpm trot heart rate is a slower trot that we will certainly use a fair amount as well.
Lynne talked about a pretty long downhill section on the 50 course that is steep (or not too steep) enough to canter if your horse is good for it… We may try to knock that section out as sometimes I think trotting downhill for a long time is harder on her joints.
Either way we will be mixing it up as terrain and wear dictates.
After any long or hard rides lately I’ve been doing a mud poultice and rubbing down her back legs. I haven’t seen any fluid but I decided it can’t hurt to give them some extra care.
So now I work and pack in the next two days and she rests, drinks a lot of water and eats grass. She’s good at her job!
Next update will be from the mountain- or after depending on signal!
After a week in the lovely city of Charleston SC of music and good bourbon it’s nice to be home.
When I walked toward the pasture on Saturday the girls hasn’t seemed to notice I was back. When I called out to them from afar they picked their heads up, perked their ears and galloped over to the fence to say hello! It was a nice way to be greeted home!
I took an evening ride ponying Faygo to get reaquainted with the girls then a fun ride with friends on Sunday.
Ponying Faygo is a switch from last year when Faygo ponied Khaleesi- who was generally at that time a slow-poke. My biggest struggle was not dropping the lead when Khaleesi hung back to poop, or try to eat a branch, or just decided she didn’t want to walk that fast, or got tangled around a tree.
I just finished an audiobook (fiction) about water horses that are wild flesh eating beasts that come out of the ocean in fall on some fictional island in a place that seemed Celtic of sorts… These horses would sometimes be captured and domesticated as much as possible and were smart and fast and used for racing (where you could do worse than being thrown… You could get eaten by another horse in the race… Or pulled into the sea and drowned by the horse you hadn’t ‘tamed’ quite enough). They were powerful animals hard to restrain!
Well on my way home I felt like I was riding one of those monsters and ponying another!!! I did insist they walk but it wasn’t the most relaxing evening ride I’ve ever taken with Faygo trying to lead us on occasion and Khaleesi nipping toward her to tell her to get back as I’m trying to shorten my lead line which had gotten long on a single track and she was behind us! Khaleesi occasionally picking up faygos energy instead of mine and hopping into a fast trot as I’m trying to slow her down and hold Faygo back at the same time!
By the time we were almost back home I had finally convinced Faygo that she was not allowed to go farther forward than my knee. I don’t love ponying and we don’t practice it that much.
On Sunday my endurance mentor Lynne rode with us and showed me her Tevis Buckle! Maybe next year I will make plans to try to go and crew to learn all I can for when we’re ready to make the trip.
The next ride I have planned is the Iron Mountain Jubilee 50 at the end of the month. After yesterday’s ride Lynne said Khaleesi is in great shape and ready to go. Just some basic rides to get her out – maybe a long ride, and some shorter speed rides- and also some rest in between and she will be fine.
I’ve noticed her picking up speed and also extending her cantering to longer intervals. Her heart rate tends to stay low in a canter and we may begin to incorporate more cantering in our rides. Lynne gave me some heart rate interval ideas for training in more cantering as we progress.
In my opinion we could use more mountain climbing. Not hard to find places to work on that here.
Today the new replacement saddle should arrive and I’ve ordered some offset stirrups as well.
Friday, July 29, 2016
I thought the last post would be the final for July but this evenings little 4.25 mile ride deserves mention.
First Nette and friends created a custom felt shim pad for me from a template of Pam’s to pull the front of my saddle up just a touch.
We’ve established that Khaleesi LOVES my Phoneix Rising Saddle – in wide (I’m either selling or returning the standard tree now that she’s muscled out so well) but I think in part because she may almost be between sizes the front of the saddle sits just a tiny bit low. Not enough to pressure her withers- but enough to push my balance forward. This pad is the perfect solution.
Nette is a craft genius and I knew if I gave her the raw materials she would come up with the perfect solution and she did- and even a week early! So we met at the barn to try it out.
Then as it was evening, cooling off, and I’m leaving for a week on Sunday and girl’s going on vacation I decided to get one last ride on. Alone, short, fast, and sweet.
always gives me a laugh- she tips her food over at the end to get the grain and minerals separated. For a while tonight she just stood one foot in her empty feed pan.
We did a quick 4.25 miles with the goal of trot & canter as much as possible. It was nice to ride alone for the first time in maybe a month now… She and I are really starting to click on a new level and I enjoyed the improved communication.
Moving out to my turn around point I asked to keep up with a good pace and mostly trot with some slow cantering up hills.
Her canter has always been a gentle, not too fast canter and if Faygo or Ned has pushed a race on for fun they always pull ahead in the end. I’ve never held her back before and encourage her to canter from time to time but it’s not my focus right now.
Then I turned around.
And it happened.
I said: ok let’s go!
She said: yeah baby!!!!!!!!!
I have never gone so fast on a horse in my life. I am certain of it.
Faygo is fast… But this canter took off and I felt the wind like I was in a convertible on the road. It took my breath away and it was exhilarating and a little frightening at the same time. I let her run it out just a little because I wanted to feel what was happening but I pulled her back as it was more than I was truly ready for at the moment. It was breathtaking but it wasn’t truly scary- she was never out of control and didn’t feel for one second like she was running away with me- but it felt faster than safe to continue on trail- even for me!
It was a glimpse. It was a view into her potential and what she can offer me when I am ready and when we truly are pilot/co-pilot. Not just a speed demon canter, that’s the tip of the iceberg- and since I’m not barrel racing we probably won’t use that gear a whole lot anyway.
As a horse there is so much they can offer that we never learn to ask for or never dream to ask. Most of us (myself included) barely scratch the surface of what horses can do.
This moment in the evening as a farewell ride until I return she gave me a shadow of what this little mare can do as I learn to ask, and train myself to be ready.
July has been a bit of a whirlwind. No. It has felt more like a tornado really.
I’m almost through my ‘month of turning 40’ and that has been ok! Some reflecting, some nice celebrations, some relaxing time around home with my husband and animal family, an amazing clinic and summer girlfriend rides. Truly a reminder of what I love about life.
A few favorites:
My ‘last day of being in my 30s’ ride with Sally! We decided on a quick paced with cantering intervals on and out and back with some ridge exploring at the top.
At the top we saw the black clouds coming and gave up on the exploring. We ended up riding most of the return in a thunderstorm and downpour! It’s was a mix of discomfort (yes that was lightning… And now the rain has me soppy and chilled) and memorable and special (no I have never ridden through a storm, and the thunder is cool! I will always remember this one..)
I got to share the horse love with one of my favorite musical families and took Adam and Kari for quick spins around the barn on another stormy evening. One of my favorite things to do!
Took a few fabulous rides with Susan and Carrington and brought one of Susan’s lifetime friends on her first ride in many years where she got to enjoy faygo and begin to come back to her love of riding.
Four of the gang on the birthday rideMadison happily following along on Tex a little behind the crewMy official celebratory birthday ride with most of my favorite riders all in one place at one time (very rare!) and included Sarah and Madison from FL, Laurie in from SC, Susan and Carrington. We did my favorite ride along the river – 12 miles at a nice group pace just under 5mph.
I love having my green team core crew here with Sarah and Madison! I even took Madison on an evening ride and came home in the dark so she could have that experience too.
The horse highlight of July however was the 3 1/2 days with Dee Janelle at Pam’s Foxtrot Farm.
Dee finding out what exact movement was encouraging her not to stand still
For once I can’t really share that experience here.
There truly aren’t words that would make sense to explain what we learned and the layers of understanding that began to open up for me.
Let me try to at least give an overview of some reasons it was the highlight … Well maybe more that it was a great start to the next decade of my life.
Dee is a real (authentic) person, present and intuitive. To start, I like being around people like that. She is a good teacher and balances the fact that I want to know everything now with the fact that I can only handle so much or it will be counterproductive.
There is something different about her and what she can offer than I’ve seen so far in any of my horseman heroes. On first glance people put everyone into a similar category – oh that’s just like the [Brannaman, Roberts, Parelli or insert other horseman name here]…
But it’s not. If you are paying attention, there is something going on here that I haven’t seen in any of those ‘methods’. As much as I love to see Buck Brannaman ride and the lightness in his dance, when I went to observe his clinic I had a nagging feeling I couldn’t put my finger on that there was something missing there. Maybe not in what he does, but in what he teaches.
This thing. The missing piece… This is what I got to see and learn last week and it’s not something simple to explain. It’s one of those you had to be there things.
Sure I learned to post a trot better, I added a small shim to my saddle to customize the level where it sits and fine tuned my Jedi steering and got better at getting out of my horse’s way so she can move most efficiently.
But the jewel was in learning to see the specific intelligent communication my horse is trying to have with me. Once the door to my understanding was cracked open I was amazed at just what she would offer me.
When we start to have these conversations- that she trusts me to try to understand- she gives me more to work with and we connect more deeply. And when we connect more deeply, we work together better and she offers that next level and the next where eventually she will give me everything but as a capable co-pilot and not a mindless obedient soldier.
And if we’re going to do 100, I need that.
I also appreciated how practical Dee was. She worked with Pam in the arena helping her up her dressage game and did things I can’t even pronounce.
I worried slightly that my coming from no formal training I would be spending 3 days trying to learn to walk around the arena in better form. I believed that could absolutely be the best thing for me if that’s what we did- but I felt like a pre-schooler to Pam’s graduate college class.
No.
After a half spin around the rectangle Dee said this arena makes no sense to this horse- it makes no sense to you. Come out. And let’s see you run around this property so I can help you improve.
As soon as we left the arena and began to trot around the outside perimeter Khaleesi brightened up and we took off on a trot and then canter on the third side. As we wizzed by the tent she did a little jump for joy buck saying ‘thank you this is more like it!’
She went straight into what we’ll need to go the distance with such details in mind like what kind of knot is best for my needs and where to tie up my lead and how to store my latigo straps so I can quickly and one handed cinch up my 3 point rigging.
I have a lot of work to do getting out of her way but already after 4 lessons I am more aware and have better balance and that has allowed Khaleesi to pick up in front and move more efficiently with better motor in the hind.
All in all it gave me a deep satisfaction that Dee thought Khaleesi was a fine horse and we were on a good start together. I was glad to hear she thinks this horse is going to take me 100 miles, and do her best to protect me on the journey.
Willing, more intelligent than I gave her credit for, strong, and with a great sense of humor- I couldn’t have asked for a better co-pilot…
I recently read an endurance news article about “Why we do it” regarding this whole endurance riding business. The article talked about the spirit of adventure and what drives men (women of course included in the generic human term) to strive for great feats.
The famous quote about why climb Everest? Because it’s there.
The article suggested there are less flippant answers to the question of what drives us but included to fact that about as many people have accrued 1000 or more endurance miles as have climbed Everest and that fact intrigued me.
My regular readers might have noticed my blogs have become introspective recently. I’ve started to notice this myself.
There are a handful of reasons for this- many I don’t care to elaborate on but one factor is that July is the month the clock flips over. A new decade begins.
I’m turning 40.
Even if in my head I can say these numbers and dates are human inventions and the day before and after a birthday I will be the exact same person, somehow the significance still hangs on in a recessed corner that if I don’t at least acknowledge will continue to grow ignored until it becomes a monster.
When I approached 30 I made a commitment to run a marathon. I did finish a local marathon in a respectable time, and though I felt great about it I also thought “No one should do this too often! It will wreck havoc on my joints!”
About 18 months ago I made a decision to try to work up to a 100 mile endurance ride with my basically untrained horse ….
By 40?
That timeline wasn’t set in stone but I had tentatively hoped it was possible.
After engaging seriously in the process I realize it’s not possible and that does not disappoint me because I know I am on the path to that goal and doing it in a responsible way to honor my horse and put the foundation in place to be successful. I’ve always thought big and I’ll take the time to do it right without regard to artificial deadlines.
But why?
Why do we do it?
Why do I do it?
In the 18 months I’ve been on the road to 100 I’ve been called reckless, selfish, fearless, brave, competitive, strong, a hero (I always feel like that is a stretch), driven, dedicated, confident, over-confident, capable, a dreamer, and others I can’t remember at the moment.
Are any of them true? Are they all true?
I spent some time in thought this week to ask myself:
Am I the only one who benefits from pursuing a personal goal like this? Is it a selfish pursuit? Have I been reckless? Am I confident and fearless?
I think of the interview with Dianna Nyad who swam from Cuba to FL. She relentlessly pursued that goal to prove to herself she could. She talked about the bigger picture of the team that makes it possible. That she couldn’t have done it without all the support in place and that the accomplishment was part of a team effort though there is only one swimmer.
That resonates with me deeply.
I am grateful constantly to my green to 100 team. I feel that support in every step I take toward the goal. I wonder sometimes why these people in my life invest in me so deeply? I don’t have a lot to give them- except my best effort and deep gratitude that I hope they always hear clearly from me.
My founding team is Sarah and Madison Wichers. They don’t even live locally but they’ve come to help me train, volunteer at rides to learn as much as possible to be able to crew for me as my mileage increases to more intense rides I will need help with. They are my first cheerleaders. They have believed in me from the start and their encouragement has sustained me more than once.
Susan came along to ride and learn and has brought family and friends on board to volunteer and crew, created a beautiful logo and team shirts, come to rides and has been by my side so the road is less lonely with her always positive spirit and eagerness to learn at least equal to mine.
susan and the team green family she wrangled up to volunteer!
My husband has never argued with the ride weekends away and watched my obsession with a new horse that I wanted to do things right with take often too much of my attention. Left behind with the house and dogs, he still showed up at the barn and helped unpack after a long weekend and made sure my truck and trailer were safe to go and thoughtfully gears me up at each Christmas and birthday. A passion he doesn’t truly understand but still gave love toward as much as he could.
Mom’s Tevis dream box
My mother who reads my blogs and listens to my endless endurance chatter and knows me enough to send me a ‘Tevis dream box’ for my birthday with a card that entreated me to “never stop dreaming big and making goals and going after them“.
Madge even brought champagne to celebrate!
If I devoted a paragraph to everyone who has given something to me this far on this road I would lose my readers because this would go on forever. But I have to mention Madge who said “yes sounds like fun!” When I casually threw out needing a crew for the biltmore – my first 55. Carrington who has helped me with speed conditioning and always encouraged me while I was first training Khaleesi on my own as a greenie. Kate who has helped keep faygo on the trail allowing me to focus on my younger horse and even did a ride and tie with me last year. Laurie who has given me everything she has to use without asking a thing in return (from barn & boardingto buckets &butte). Tim who when here always sends me on the road with snacks and helped design a truck rack to haul panels.
Ricky and Amy help me at OD
Amy and Ricky who have taught me tons of hacks and crewed for me even when they had no ‘skin in the game’. Nathan who always lent a hand. My farrier who goes above and beyond at each visit to answer my questions and is patient even when Khaleesi is occasionally a handful. Dr. B who watches out for us at rides and always has a listening ear and complicated answers to my simple questions but always responds in kindness.
Lynne even wears a team green shirt!Lynne and Sally who have both become mentors to me in the sport and in life. Nette who was always there when I needed someone to get video so I could see what I’m doing wrong and always ready to have a glass of wine with the girls. Pam who gives generously of her time and knowledge to help me improve. Anette who always tells me she follows my progress and is my biggest fan. And that only comes short of the myriad of volunteers, vets and ride managers who put on these rides and get us through vet checks and helps us on our way.
vet and staff of OD photo by Becky Pearman
All of this so I can ride 100 miles someday. And a feat that has been done before and will be done again. I am no Dianna Nyad.
But I thought more about this and there is something present in my personal often physical goals that I believe is central to who I am and does impact the world around me as well. At least I hope it is true.
Setting a large goal takes vision and then steps one after another in place dredging through the days you don’t feel like it and finding energy at times you don’t think you have any left.
In the same TED champion episode that includes the Nyad interview, an author said in all those people he studied who did big things there was something in common: they might have had a big end goal, but they focused intently on the small steps day to day. They are able to make the incremental steps that eventually makes the big goal come to fruition.
I believe there is a connection between physical, mental and emotional strength and toughness.
I have finally been able to start running again after a pulled muscle in April and I know an occasional hard run helps my mind and refocuses me. It pulls my emotional, physical and mental state into better balance. There is something about pushing harder than is comfortable physically that seems to help me find inner strength to do the things I don’t feel like in the rest of my world.
One accomplishment I am proud of is beginning a rural strings education program. It took some pretty big vision, the belief that I could fund it and the energy to inspire people to support it- then the day to day work of paper trails and grant reports and parent emails and meetings along with a myriad of other tasks to juggle along with teaching the students and trying to find new ways to encourage and inspire them to try. To do things they may not know yet they are capable of.
AMSP student group photo
I do believe that my dedication to train for a marathon or to ride through snow and rain and heat, with a buddy or solo if need be… These things strengthen me to be more capable in other areas of my life.
I do not believe I am reckless or competitive as a rule. I only want to be my best at a ride and honor what my horse is capable of. And I have painstakingly done research and sought help where I saw others succeed to set myself up for the best possible chance for safety and success. I do the same with my music program- my growth is slow and built on building blocks I want to see in place before we expand. I have yet to ask something of my horse she and I were unprepared for.
Susan might have given me the highest compliment when she said of a very difficult 30 mile ride we had just completed strong: Jaime, I’ve heard people say this was really a difficult ride. But I can only say I felt 100% prepared for everything we encountered today and nothing seemed a challenge to me.
However, I have thought about how in some parts of life I can be fearless and brave- yet in retrospect realize other parts this is not true. In some things I have lived in fear. I have run away instead of taking on the challenge. I have not believed in myself and had no confidence.
Ironically chasing these big visions can become an escape from the parts of life that harbor the opposite me.
I have always believed our greatest strengths can be our greatest weaknesses. Maybe sometimes our strengths can also hide our weaknesses and allow them to linger longer than healthy.
I don’t always have the answers. And I can’t always control the world with my own perceived strength.
I also hope I can always be better. That is another facet of taking on a big challenge. To remind myself that I can learn and grow until I die. I want to be better every year. More balanced, more able to love and wiser in my decisions.
My 40s are upon me and I’m not afraid of growing older. I do not look on my past with either regret or a wish to return. I am always hopeful of a better future (my middle name is Hope actually- another gift from my mother) though my life has been full of fortune, joy and love already. I also know good times come and go and hard times are guaranteed. That is all part of life.
One thing I know is life is big. Life is complicated. Life is a mystery and not in our control – except the choices we make in the process as it happens around us.
In the words of a song I think of often lately:
Keep the earth below my feet. For all my sweat, my blood runs weak. Let me learn from where I have been. Keep my eyes to serve my hands to learn.
green to 100 