Margin, Barn Therapy & The Work

Who would you be without your story?

Friday, December 23, 2016

Merry Christmas!

During this Holiday season I’ve found myself building up internally with small stresses and irritations- running short on time and daylight to do all I want to get done. 

A friend of mine recently shared a similar experience with things we both acknowledged were of small consequence but still made their way into slow boiling frustration- she finished her mild vent to me with the thought: These are first world problems. I know I need to be grateful I have a home and people who love me and everything I need. I am blessed beyond most of the world’s population. 

It’s true. However life still can catch up with us all. For me, I’ve had some car issues- covered under warranty – but my dealership is 2 hours away so having to get my car in and out 3 times in a month is a huge unplanned time suck. Also having a car go unreliable on you really can wreck the plans you DO have and not being sure if you’ll get home after work in the dark over airport mountain (with no cell service) is pretty stressful. 

Oh- and I hit a deer with their rental car while mine was days in the shop. That sucked. As the driver it’s my insurance which means a large deductible so let’s pile on top mild financial stresses as well…..

December is full of holiday recitals to organize and juries (music final exams) at the college, scheduling make up lessons, keeping some kind of exercise routine in place (tis the season to gain 10 pounds if I’m not careful!) and of course trying to get a few gifts in the mail (uh… after choosing, purchasing, or often in my case making said gifts)….oh yes, there the usual stuff like laundry, feeding the cats, making occasional dinner, and super minimalist chores like at least removing cobwebs once in a while – I feel lately like I’m never really home very long. 

Add to that my trailer hitch needs replacing and I’m now in hoof boot season and lost a boot my first ride out of shoes (more on that process soon… we’re working on solutions right now and it’s been an interesting learning opportunity for me)….

I remember years ago hearing Dr. Richard Swensen talk about margin: that space in between things… time, finances and emotions… and the toll it takes when you lose your margin. 

For me it means the wrong turn because my GPS wasn’t clear to me causing a 10 minute detour in a town I’m unfamiliar with or the Target photo printer device taking forever to help me get a few simple photos from my phone to print… or the fact that one gift I’d decided to pick up for my husband is so popular it sold out when I went back to the store 2 days later… losing an expensive hoof boot on the trail the first day out of metal shoes…

These things become super frustrating instead of mildly annoying. 

I knew something was happening below the surface when I made it to a yoga class and random unorganized thoughts kept attacking me no matter what I did mentally. I had zero focus. I started to feel separation in my relationships. I noticed I wasn’t really listening to people, I started to feel pinched and a constant low level of stress. Distracted. Disconnected. 

In my head I told those stressful thoughts  basically – you all are first world problems, and I’m going to be merry anyway, look on the bright side there is nothing here I can’t handle or sort out.

I am fine!!!


But I’m not fine. 

I realized this recently when I went mentally off the deep end internally (hopefully not so obvious to the outside world) and my negative stressful thoughts took over. I won’t share exactly what that means for me- but as Byron Katie says: there are no new stressful thoughts in the world. They’ve been around since time began and each of us have experienced most of them at some point in our lives.

When I stopped long enough to realize the build up and loss of margin had taken me to this place I took a ‘time out’ and did what I need to do to straighten myself back out and regain my sanity. 

Which brings me to why I decided to write out this in my horse-life blog. It hit me and this thought was more clear than ever before in a moment. 

And I bet it’s not what you think. 

Big yawn from Wild Heart… looks a little crazy in still form but it was a good moment she was processing

That thing I need to straighten out my mental and emotional state is NOT barn time. It’s NOT time with my horse. It’s NOT barn therapy. My horse is NOT my therapist and it’s not her job to be. 

What I needed to get back on track was an hour or two writing in my journal questioning my thoughts on paper.

Everyone has a different thing they need- yoga, prayer, meditation, a soak in the tub… so I’m not preaching journaling here necessarily but I will tell you what I’ve learned about it and how it’s changed me – and you can play with it or not, it’s up to you!

What I’ve found works best in my life now is The Work. It’s a process Byron Katie uses to help people question their thoughts in order to find joy, peace and connection. In her words: I learned that when I believed my thoughts I suffered, and when I didn’t believe them I did not suffer.  

It may sound crazy, but the work is simple. 

Judge your neighbor:

You take a stressful moment (specific is better- if you get too generic the mind and ego will play tricks on you to weasel out of the truth), and you get as petty as possible about someone or something that upset you. 

Then you ask four questions and turn it around. Then find examples where the opposite of what you thought is true – or sometimes even truer.

You can delve into The Work easily and for free. I recommend going to YouTube and searching for Byron Katie- there’s enough there to keep you busy for weeks. You can also go right to her website. Everything is free except her books which are also great. 

What the work does is give you something to ‘meditate’ on (not emptying you mind which I cannot do… but sitting with your thoughts and questioning them with real inquiry), and then it frees you from being emotionally controlled by them. 

It’s helped me find what’s really true around me and what is the story I’ve created about it. Good story or bad story, they are almost never the whole truth, and we create an alternative reality with these stories so often without even realizing it. This is why life is stressful and why we have disconnection in relationships and loss of peace. 

For someone always on the move and working toward goals.. forward thinking sometimes to a fault- it helps me get present in where I am right now. 

For me it’s meant that I found joy, connection and clarity- no matter what the circumstance (and the tools to help me back when I’m not there). I’ve learned it doesn’t take two to fight- it only takes one. It just takes me to start or end a war. 

I look at it like staying in my own business- because it’s the only business I have any control over. And when my feelings depend on other people to behave a certain way I am hopeless. I have no control over who likes me, who is kind to me, who agrees with me, and what the weather is. 

So the work has helped me reconnect with the person I most need to understand… the person ultimately responsible for my feelings and mental health: me. 

The seemingly minor detail that is actually the most important thing is writing it down. I’ve spent most of December ‘too busy’ to take time out and sit and write… doing the work in my head laying half awake at 5am or while driving… even while at the barn. When we are stressed and disconnected we are at war internally and (another Katie-ism): all war belongs on paper. 

It is amazing when you have to write it down and have to stay with a specific experience. It takes away the power of the thoughts and fears.

As an interesting experiment- I was in an emotional argument with someone I care about who was angry with me. I wanted to be open, to understand and listen; so after telling me why they were angry verbally I asked them to write it down for me. I wanted to go all the way so to speak- to really deal with these thoughts and feelings. They had just spoken the words, but in the end could not write them on paper. 

Finally when they agreed to humor me and just write it down – the words written were not at all what were spoken clearly 10 seconds earlier, and much more generic and less personal. I was taken aback. 

That moment I understood more clearly the power of the pen. I am a believer now more than ever – not just in vague journaling but in the work on paper. 

So, my gift to my friends out there is if you haven’t tried the work to check it out. It has been a gift for me this year and turned some pretty stressful times into opportunities for growth I am now truly grateful for. 

And what about the barn?


I still go there as a happy place, I still love my horses and my connection to them is vital. 

However it was obvious this December that I was still stressed out regardless of a decent amount of barn time, great riding and connection with Khaleesi and some wonderful progress with Wild Heart. My barn time was always positive and gave me a little jolt of happy feelings- but I noticed some of my most stressful days came after a lovely morning with my horses. That happiness isn’t the same as finding peace in my soul regardless of hitting a deer or seeing ‘caution: drivetrain malfunction‘ show up in my car computer screen. 

Truth is my horse expects me to be a leader 100% of the time- not just when I’m having a good day. ** this doesn’t mean I haven’t leaned on my horse in the barn broken into tears over hard emotional struggles… I have. I also know horses know. You can’t lie to them with a strong fake front… but being honest with sadness is not the same as being distracted, on autopilot and not present ** 

And in working with the new mustang I definitely need to be 100% present. Though I love seeing the woods from my horse, I’m never a relaxed passenger with my mind wandering freely. I’m listening to my horse and communicating with her as we work on or off trail. The barn and riding are like a job too- an amazing, fun, rewarding job that I love… but still, more of a job than therapy. 


I used to smile and agree with the FB memes popping up that read: my horse is my therapist… or barn therapy is the best kind… but now I have to say for me they just don’t ring true. It’s a nice thought but it doesn’t feel honest. 

I’ll go out on a limb here and say something many horse colleagues may disagree with: my horse has a job. I try to be clear with her what it is – and it’s not therapist. That just isn’t fair to her. 

But with some help from the work- I find truth and peace in reality.  I do my best to come to the barn in good mental and emotional health to be the leader, and when I do I find the best co-pilot I could ask for ready to do her job. This is more rewarding in the end. 

And together we fly. 

Heart: the process

December 11, 2016

Wild Heart came about a month ago and I’ve mentioned her in the blog but not been very focused on her here. 

Green to 100 is the story of Khaleesi and me on a journey to a one-day 100, but Heart fits in the story as a team member and the things I have learned through Khaleesi’s process will now have a chance to be tested on a new horse as well as hopefully learn new things. As a bonus, team green member Susan will be doing a lot of the work with Heart and that means sometimes I get to watch, video, and direct from the fence and I’ve already found that can be extremely valuable for me (seeing it from a new perspective) than being the only one involved. 

So I decided to create a little space in green to 100 for Heart’s story as it unfolds and intertwines with Khaleesi’s. 

When I blog about Heart I’ll list it as a Heart: blog. 


Wild Heart is a 5yr old Wyoming mustang mare who was rounded up around 2 and hung out in a holding pen until she was chosen to make the tour for some Extreme Mustang Makeover events this past Spring. She was assigned to Jennifer (a trainer currently in TN you can find info on her at Jennifer brown horsemanship ) in Illinois and early in the process the mare got hurt and had to be pulled from competing. 

Jennifer thought the mare had potential so instead of sending her back injured, she took her home to TN, healed her up and put some basic training on her enrolling her in the Mustang Heritage Foundation Trainer Incentive Program (TIP)– where I found her. 

I’d been interested for a long time in the American wild horses, I wanted a horse as little ruined by humans as possible (genetically and behaviorally), and also to help the plight of these unwanted animals and this management nightmare the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) is trying their best to sort through. 

BLM holding pens in Reno, NV from my visit in May

Adopting a truly wild horse is a commitment bigger than I have time for in my life right now, and I don’t have access to the secure (think maximum security!) facilities to keep one locked down until gentled enough to accept normal horse confinement. 

The Trainer Incentive Program gives these wild animals a good start with someone more equipped to get them to a point someone like me can work with. My only fear was having to rebuild confidence or trust if the initial trainer was overly harsh or used pain avoidance training in those first weeks. 

Turns out I got lucky.

Heart had a great start with Jennifer. She is curious, smart, and very communicative. When I saw Jennifer load her on my trailer before dawn in TN so we could get her to VA I knew she’d been on good hands. I have seen many trained and well ridden horses struggle with the trailer – my first few attempts with Khaleesi took much time and patience and we didn’t even always get all 4 feet on… and considering what trailers have meant for this horse in her life I can’t imagine she would think very highly of them. 

However Jennifer loaded this mustang in about 15 minutes one hoof at a time. Every step she would encourage her: You’re doing great girl, go ahead, check it out, take your time, you can do it. And the horse would take another step. She trusted Jennifer gently one step at a time all the way into that little box (the smallest trailer she’d ever been in) and Jennifer stayed with her, just calm and gentle until her had all the doors closed. Not a fight, not forced, never pushed her or pulled her- just encouraged. 

I knew at that moment we had a chance. A horse people haven’t ignored, forced and ‘trained’ into being shut down and not interested in giving humans a real chance.

And as Susan reminded me… she is also a very pretty girl! That’s a bonus. 


Heart is a joint project with Susan and will be the horse Susan rides the most in the seasons to come. She will make a good training buddy for Khaleesi as Faygo is just not able to do that with her age and health what it is. Team green needed another training and conditioning buddy to ride with as we attempt to get higher mileage toward the 100 goal, and Susan needs a horse to really start competing some limited distance rides. That is where her interest is and should be great for Heart. 

Built like a tank, we have no idea what her heart rate as recovery will be and how she’ll move along on trail, but Jennifer said this horse loves getting into the woods and is a nice mover.

I believe that just about any horse can get through a 25-30 mile race sound and metabolically healthy. If you aren’t worried about finding that ‘top 10’ horse then it’s all in the conditioning and training and building the horse slowly towards the mileage. She should be sturdy and sound, she has great feet, trunk like solid legs and a big muscular hind end. Jennifer is a dressage trainer among the rest of her specialties and Heart is already moving nicely and has muscled up well from what she started. 

Our job is to continue the good work. 

Susan has a nice base of riding training to draw from to stay balanced and to ride her in a way to continue that development. I have been very pleased to watch how light, balanced and responsive both Faygo and Levi have been under Susan’s riding. I have become a believer this year that how you ride shapes the horse’s body and muscling more than almost any other factor and am grateful for the small amount of help in that I’ve had with my own riding. I am constantly vigilant to improve myself as well. 

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So here we are. 

Wild Heart is still alone in her paddock with hay, water, shelter and the ability to see the 10 or so other horses on the property. We have done some groundwork and she carries her saddle too. 

She is basically good to be tied and we’ve had her in the barn with my other mares a few times. She’s reared twice and pulled back on her line for various ‘spooks’. We use a tie method that gives her a little rope so she’s not ‘hard’ tied but she cannot break free. She has pulled up, come down and stood calm. Perfect: testing the system and realizing she’s ok, and she can’t get free by pulling. I can clean all 4 feet and her fronts she offers pretty easily. 

She doesn’t always give to pressure so that is an area to work. In fact she gives on lead pretty easy, but not when tied (step over so I can work on this side without being smashed between you and the barn wall). 

She is responsive, very quick to learn, willing, and carries lessons over from one day to the next.  Her fault is wanting to be in your space too much and I’ve been working at getting her comfortable standing a few feet away quietly if I ask. She loves attention and being rubbed so creating boundaries and leadership is key with her (she can push in an inch at a sweet time if you aren’t careful- it seems loving but it’s also rude in horse language). Susan and I are both on the lookout for the subtle ways she will move your feet when you aren’t aware enough. 

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​Now that we’ve begun a relationship with her and she’s settling in she will move in with Khaleesi and Faygo next week (after Khaleesi’s metal shoes get pulled- less opportunity for damage if they do quarrel). 

The process is flexible and shaping up as we go. Soon I hope to be ponying her on the trails while she gets comfortable with Susan and I as a rider in the enclosed arena. Lots and lots of groundwork will continue because I have seen the incredible positive effects it has on the horse-rider relationship. I believe she is going to make a nice horse!

Training on the trail. 

December 3, 2016

Not a whole lot to report lately with team green. When it comes to training vs. conditioning we are in a training and rest/rebuild period. 

Khaleesi is young still (6 but started at age 4 so only 2 years under saddle) and giving her joints, tendons and ligaments some time to rest and harden is an important part of not overworking her early on and regretting it later. 


One of my greatest concerns with her has always been not burning her out on riding. I want a partner who is as invested in our ‘job’ as I am. I want her to value our relationship and look forward to seeing me and going out together- not wasting our time in arguments and a sour attitude with me having to forcefully assert my leadership because she has a negative opinion developing of me. 

Because I so ❤️LOVE❤️ this mare and enjoy her it’s a challenge not to ride her too much to far and too hard for her development. 

I have tried to learn from others advice to me as much as I can, and so far it appears that most people notice too late that they’ve overridden their horse. 

There isn’t a rule for this- it’s different for each horse and it takes a sensitive rider to see early signs before creating a long term chronic problem either physically with odd quirky nagging injuries at first often hard to explain or mentally that range from becoming hard to catch to spooking, trouble tacking up and general grouchy behavior that stems from a deterioration of relationship. 

And this has to balance with appropriate conditioning so your horse is prepared for the distances you want to compete in. 

That balance thing once again. 

The problem in overworking is that horses are strong animals and can seem to handle the load…. until things start to break down. By then the damage has been done. It’s sooo much harder to rehab an injury or fix a damaged relationship than to keep a good one strong….

…this is one of those things that is applicable just about everywhere…

I believe that if I put my horse first she will put me first as well. I do that by trying to see everything from her perspective… not always easy as I’m not a horse, but I try. And then the balance is understanding her needs vs. letting her take over… that’s when you get hurt. 

As Buck says first you make a winner out of your horse, then they’ll make a winner out of you.

I’m still learning myself day by day and am painfully aware of my own shortcomings… even more painfully aware that there are things I don’t know yet that I don’t know! I’ve certainly had a few close calls where I’ve wondered if I’d crossed the line already myself. 

But after literally running her feet into the ground in August and a pretty busy but successful first season, she’s been on an easy schedule since mid-September and I plan to keep it that way until the New Year when we begin looking toward our first ride of her second full season in March. 

One of the most vital steps in keeping her from burning out is with shorter rides close to home commuting to focus on energy and mental connection and tuning in together. 

Too often I can get into autopilot mode on the trail where unless something goes wrong I basically ignore my horse for miles just expecting her to be perfect and carry me along. 

Taking her for granted…..


My friends and I have tossed the idea around about training on the trail before but for me this has been a whole new level. It’s truly dedicating to specific work and exercises while riding the woods. 

I still struggle with getting her to stand still for me after I mount. She is so impatient to go go go. It seems likely it’s me somehow but I’m not sure. We are now in a pattern and it’s hard to fix this one for me. 

She will stand but not until she’s taken a few steps, and sometimes I have to ask her over and over to stay still at the stool as I move my weight into the stirrup and over her back. 

This looks good! Only… as I go to put my foot in she does one front leg step. Almost every time…
So this is a better spot? Ok fine with me, just stand still!
Foot in, slowly with low energy (so my body language is not screaming: go go go!) I lower myself into the saddle lightly with balance…..
… and you can see her hind has already taken a step… and after in in the saddle two steps forward before she stood still.

I am determined to get to the bottom of that one!

I ordered a bareback pad with stirrups and if I only have an hour or so to ride we use that. It’s great for my balance and it’s also good for me to really feel all of her body movements. 

It’s amazing how what I do affects her and I can’t feel it the same in a saddle. I can feel when her back lifts more underneath me and how her hind feet pick up and put down. It becomes a kind of meditation when we walk with energy down the trail alone imagining her feet and how they move underneath me. 

Susan came over for a great ride where we climbed the mountain and then ‘ran’ some flat trails with intervals the ride was less than 10 miles but had a little of everything and we used the time to focus. 

I am finally getting reliable at feeling when he back feet pick up (in saddle) and loose enough to allow my hips to move along with hers. I asked susan to get some video of stepping over with me asking for her to cross over her back legs. ​​​​

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We did this on the way home when K and her fast buddy Levi wanted to ramp up the energy (we’d done a fair amount of trot and canter before turning back toward the barn and they were ready to go). 

We made the decision to pull down the energy all the way and keep them in a relaxed (but forward) walk. When I say relaxed I don’t mean slow- I mean not pushing me to trot and her body flowing easy with long strides – not stiff from pulling on me. Mentally with me in my relaxed zone yet still forward in speed. 

This is a great time to distract both us and the horse’s brains from “home” by doing crossovers, playing leapfrog, and when they were mentally truly with us: walk-trot transitions to test if they will change with the least amount of aid using energy not legs and hands whenever possible. 

I had a conversation recently about how to control speed. My goal is to have a ‘push button’ horse where I set a speed and we stay with it until I ask for a change and I am not using legs or hands to control speed. We aren’t there yet, but I do not continuously control her speed- I ask for a speed and increase my ask until I get it and then release yet try to keep my mental energy there imagining the walk, trot or canter steps in my mind. If she slows or speeds when I didn’t ask for the change I insist she return to where I was but I will not nag her to walk or trot with my body. If I ask her to stay in a trot and she slows I grab my rope and drive her on but release as soon as she gets back into mode. 

She needs to take responsibility for momentum or I’ll be exhausted- either from pulling her back or driving her on. And this isn’t perfect but the consistent energy I put toward expecting her to do this has put us in a good place. If no other factors are there (big group rides or the smalls of monsters in the woods) we are getting pretty good!

Playing with asking for crossover in the hind while walking on the trail.

Not only is it good for me, but I find my horse becomes more connected to me which is relationship money in the bank. By the time we were walking the last miles we were in sync: relaxed and forward. We get into the barn and you just feel that connection to them… their eyes and ears on you as you move around the barn untacking and cleaning up…it’s completely worth the time away from how fast, how far, and what’s our heart rate work we all get sucked into when a 50 mile tough course is breathing down your neck. 

When we finish those rides she seems very content and so am I. Relaxed and light. Happy. Peaceful. Soft. Balanced.  Connected. 

My favorite thing even more than riding is when we walk to or from the field as a pair in complete sync… her front feet moving with mine (forward or back) and us both looking forward together. Truly a team. Friends. 

What is. 

Middle November 2016

I will learn… I will learn to love the skies I’m under… –from Hopeless Wanderer (Mumford & Sons)

In a recent Endurance News article I read: “However your ride season ended I’m certain it didn’t go completely as planned”

Seems endurance – due to it’s somewhat extreme nature – lends itself to necessary flexibility. The potential for something to change your best laid plans is always lurking. 

This season was good for me but two rides shorter than I’d planned. One lesson that has come this year through my personal life is that you are always where you are supposed to be. The alternative is insanity. Circumstances can never be what they are not. Ever. 

Argue with that and you will lose every time. Either you make peace with reality or you live in pain. This fall I chose peace: in my life, work, riding, relationships and world.

It is crazy to imagine I need anything other than what I have at this moment. It is not possible. The flip side to that understanding is the ability to see that I always have exactly what I need for this moment and will only ever live in this moment forever. Always now… then now… and now. 

When I waste my time fretting over what I thought things should be I have completely lose the joy of what is right here right now. 

So it’s not disappointing that I missed the last two rides of the season- because I cannot assume I would have been better to have gone to them. 

My horse is young and having less stress on her body as she develops into long distances is probably a good thing. Khaleesi is going to get a pretty long off season to rest and rebuild for next year. 

Meanwhile I am enjoying some non-conditioning work with her both mental and physical. And those are also good for my discipline. Actually- it’s never truly about the horse. It’s about my mental conditioning. 

As I’ve taken my attention off riding event goals for the moment, I’ve been able to enjoy some nice experiences. 


I enjoyed a fun ride with some vaquero type riders where they had intense energy in these Spanish and South American little horses that wound all up and moved about 2 mph along the trail with rearing stallions, little boys on galloping ponies running to and fro and gators (the mechanical kind!) bringing the tequila and cervesas up the rear. What a cool experience…


Let me tell you if we could keep our cool through that, give me any endurance ride start!!


Viva La Tequilla!

Then I rode on a friend’s property that I love and is gorgeous but doesn’t have ‘enough’ miles to really use in conditioning season (well… unless we did laps!) but it was a beautiful afternoon and the light was sublime and the ride with a good friend was perfect. 


Sunday I went alone in the late afternoon- borrowing a bareback pad from my barn- and rode in the late fall woods as the super moon began to rise over the mountains. 


I loved the bare back pad. It had a little more security than really riding bareback but I still felt all Khaleesi’s movements with each step. How her hips move my hips and what her shoulders feel like depending on what we were doing. Also- as the weather is growing colder, the warmth through the thin blanket pad was a bonus. 

It was special to see the moon coming up through the trees and come in as it got dark on the night before the fullest and largest appearing moon in decades. 


Wild Heart is still here and settling in to the farm. I visit her almost every day at least for a few minutes. Sometimes I lead her around the grounds and introduce her to the barn, clean out her feet and sometimes I just rub her in the field for a few minutes. 

While she’s still separated for now it’s been nice to have Tim on the property as he goes to spend some time with her in the evenings too and they’ve become friends as well. 

Meanwhile I hope that finding more balance in my own life is also meaning more strength as a true leader in my equine relationships. That will be good for Khaleesi and me in the long term on our way to a relationship that gets us through our first… and subsequent 100 mile rides. 


This is the sky I’m under. It wasn’t what I’d anticipated at the start of my season, but I’m grateful for the reflection this fall is bringing in. The calm and peace and quiet; the ‘death’ of winter that brings the rebirth of spring. 

All things new… more importantly all things as they are supposed to be. 

Because to believe otherwise would be inconceivable. 

Wild Heart

Monday, October 31, 2016

Hello team green fans. This blog is an update and explanation of how October and ride season is wrapping up. 

First there is no Fort Valley update because we didn’t go. 

No- Khaleesi isn’t injured and she was basically ready to go and hopefully complete one last 50 of our first full season. However things in my own life have been busy and my plate has gotten full- and a secondary plot line (Wild Heart) has been playing out in the background. 

Everything became too much at once and I was beginning to wonder how I would effectively balance it all. As the stress mounted it became clear that the last ride of the season was the obvious thing to cut. No one cared about that last 50 ‘points’ except me. Khaleesi isn’t keeping track of her AERC points (I asked her) … we don’t have enough to matter anyway, and in a year no one (even me) will think much about it one way or other. 

She’s a young horse with a good long career ahead of her and there is no reason to work her particularly hard in her first year. She’s done great and we have 100% completion record for now. I’m pleased with our accomplishments. 

So letting that ride go was a good choice for me personally and my world. And considering how goal driven I can be, I think a healthy one that I’m content with (maybe some personal growth is good). 

So meanwhile Susan – who has become a integral part of team green: going with me on training rides, crewing, and helping every way she can- is interested in doing LD (limited distance: 25-30 miles) rides and Faygo is just not the horse for that. 

We looked into a local lease- nothing came of it- and decided to move ahead on a horse to share. So she’s a 50/50 kind of addition, and she may end up truly being Susan’s horse someday. Time will show the way. 


After research we decided on a mustang for many reasons:

1- everyone I know that has them says they are wonderful and special and worth the effort. They are all heart and many say it’s hard to go back to a domesticated animal after having a mustang. 

2- they need help. Too many homeless horses are suffering and stuck in holding pens unwanted by society. It’s a huge problem I don’t have the answer to- but Heart is one drop in the bucket to do our part. 

3- they tend to be healthy and hearty. They have good feet and solid bones. I like that. 

4- they don’t always make good 50 or 100 mile horses (some can but not all) however they’ve lived on the land and whatever distance they do (most are well suited for LD distances) they can take care of themselves- drinking and eating well and used to many various terrains. 

5- they are the least screwed up by human intervention and domestication. I know I’ll learn a lot about communication from her as she’s only been in the human world a few months at best and she is still pretty purely in the ‘equus’ language. So working with her I hope will teach me much. 

We found one through the Mustang Heritage Foundation‘s TIP (trainer incentive program) site. That is when they are gentled and have some minimal training to help normal people (like me) have a better chance at adopting successfully a wild animal. 

Going through the BLM adoption process took a little time and paperwork to become approved but it wasn’t terribly hard. We were approved in a few weeks then drove to TN the weekend Fort Valley would have been and picked her up. 


She got on the trailer nicely in the early dark morning coaxed with love by Jennifer her trainer and was calm for the 11 hour ride back to VA. 

She is now living alone in a small field while we get to know her. She will be a slow project but eventually she’ll be on the training arm of team green with Susan and hopefully a safe horse in time other experienced riders could ride as well. 

She’s well built and lovely. From Sweetwater Co Wyoming, rounded up at age 2 and put in a holding pen-she is now 5. She was chosen for an extreme mustang make over competition but injured herself early on so she couldn’t finish. Jennifer liked her enough to take her home and work with her to get adopted and now she’s ours. Friendly and curious too- we’ll keep you all posted!

Time in the field

Friday, October 21, 2016

Sometimes it’s good (for someone like me) to slow down and take a lesson from the horse world about life. 

Green to 100 is about the journey to a goal.

I’ve been reflecting recently on the journey and what is important along the way. How do the lessons from my horses translate to my larger world and help me to be a better person? Have they been making it across the … um… horse-human line?

Sometimes yes, but also as I think honestly… maybe not. 

It was a rainy afternoon and in a small clearing I went to the barn to feed and just walk the field with my mares. 

As I walked the horses came along- always a few steps behind. If I stopped they stopped. As I walked they meandered with me. Always at a small distance when I looked back. 

Once I stood and tried to invite khaleesi in. She came and I fought the urge to rub and pet her- she likes being with me, but I like the physical contact more than she. It’s for me unless she asks for a scratch. She generally puts up with it pretty well, but we just stood next to each other and breathed to smell each other.

There is nothing in the world like horse breath. It is both of sky and earth. Stars and streams. It is magic. 

I asked her what next? In that long lineage of equine wisdom for centuries… tell me the secret. 

She took a partial step and seemed to nod to me… 

you keep walking. 

And I did. 

I assumed I’d lost the girls to the best grass where we’d stopped and they were eating, but I turned to see that though I was waking alone, I wasn’t really alone. 

They were there. Watching me. Following at a distance. Content to be. 

The Big Lonely

Friday, October 14, 2016

One of the highlights of endurance training is getting to do it with good friends!

This blog is simply a photo treat of a two day ride I organized to climb some mountains, navigate some rocks, and get some interval training – and also an excuse to have a little girl time. A much needed recharge. 

We had great weather!


We saw some nice views. 




We ran some nice fields…






We saw the leaves change by the hour!




We ate some late apples…


We chatted and laughed…



And then some more- with good fall cheer!


We can’t forget Nigel!


And we made a cozy fire and had dinner before an early exhausted sleep… and then to do it all again! 


It felt like a week!

Thanks to Carrington, Sally & Lynne for riding with my and K so we had some good company as we prepare for Fort Valley! In many ways you are all mentors to me and I’m glad to have our paths cross, join, and meander where they can.


Thanks from the bottom of my heart to Karin who shared her breathtaking property, spacious fields for the horses, and her home with us. Her gracious hospitality always warms my soul. 

Power of the Mind

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Seventeen days until our last ride of the season. 

I’ve heard Fort Valley is a challenge. As all the Old Dominion rides it’s rocky and rough, and mountainous. The variable however is weather. 

The OD in June is going to be hot- only a question of how hot and how humid. Prepare for the worst. 

End of October is likely to be cold- but also we have this Indian Summer thing and we could get a freak heat wave and with the onset of winter wooly coats (happening now) even temperatures in the 60’s could pose heat issues. 

The two elements I’m focusing on during these last days are mental connection and hill climbing. 

I rode late last week on a rainy training ride with Carrington and Susan where we climbed the mountain- a few times. Thanks to Ed for the muddy creek raincoat it was soggy but do-able and we all agreed even riding in a downpour with friends was still better than reading in bed all morning!

  
Monday I had less than two hours between work obligations so I hit the property in a way that took us up the steepest hills and wound around to add some extra climbing along with energy work. 

Earlier in the season I was less concerned with her ability to climb (since everywhere I go is up the mountain at least somewhat)- what I needed was to see her pick up speed on the flat. 

I spent a fair amount of our training this year looking for valley and ridge rides where I could ask her to move out on the flats and she has picked up speed through that- however now I see her lag on the climbs.

Hills are just a fact. We go and we do them. The mental training is where the fun is. 

After my toss a couple weeks ago I am even more reflective about our relationship and my role in it. I am glad to have a sensitive horse- I can’t say I created that… horses come sensitive by nature.  Somehow I got lucky enough to find a 4-yr old that no human had ruined and then I erred on the side of not kiling off her sensitivity- occasionally possibly to my own peril, but how else does one learn?

I do enjoy riding alone regularly (though as a social person I almost never turn down a ride with friends) and more and more I see how important it is because when alone we are able to sync without other louder energy fields to get in the way.

I made a clear decision to control my thoughts and mental images (this is also more difficult for me when riding with friends) and this ride reflected that in the same way my catastrophic ride reflected the opposite.

   

Khaleesi came right up to me in the field and things began well. I thought about how my energy worked in every step:

Ever have a horse who dances around when you tack up? 

First thought might be to see if you are the cause of this with your approach… I see a big change in our barn routine just from how I approach tacking up and what my energy does. 

  

In a hurry? 

Still, move quickly but calmly, low energy and without agitation. That’s been interesting for me to master: quick without high energy. 

I took a few extra minutes to do some simple groundwork tasks before riding. It takes so little time for the connection it begins before I even get on the horse. I wonder why I don’t do this every ride. 

Maybe I will now. 

I then mentally decided to take the time it takes to get her stand still to mount and wait while I tied up my lead rope. Not terrible- she took one step… I backed her into place and we stood there until she gave to waiting. 

Then the property exit: we are walking right off the property- through the gates on my chosen path with steady walk tempo. My focus completely on the road ahead. Ears forward and we had hardly a question. 

In this case instead of trying to make ‘the birdie’go where I want- I tried never losing the birdie in the first place. For me this is easier than calling it from somewhere else!

  
On the trail I insisted on a forward walk. I also stayed in tune by using wide spots on the trail to get in tune with her feet and ask for step over moves in time with her walk. 

The birdie has to be present for that kind of work. 

Any choice in the trail where she might have tried to push toward another [shorter] route I focused every amount of my mental imagery to us walking on to where I intended (in this case sending the birdie out there where I wanted to go!). I could feel her ask ever so slightly to go her intended direction but I rarely had to use reins to reinforce this ride (twice she tried me and I had to hold firm with my hands against her turn). 

At one such turn I made her go a few steps farther until she softened and accepted my choice- then turned the preferences [toward home] way that I needed to choose anyway due to time constraints. 

 By the time I had to make the last turn toward the farm where she and Faygo both try to cut the corner and rush [dont miss this turn mom!!] I waited until the last second to make the turn and she didn’t even attempt to make it until I’d looked and changed my ‘mind’ to it. 

I thought ‘trot-trot trot-trot’ and we trotted without any leg pressure probably 90% of the time and my down transitions were always chosen by looking ahead, picking out a tree and changing my mind to ‘walk-2-3-4 walk-2-3-4’ and we walked. 

On the way home I had a feud in my brain as I knew places she would usually pick up a trot or canter and it was difficult for me not to imagine it because it had happened so many times past. 

Every try to not think about something?

I had to replace these memories with a crystal clear strong image of us waking nicely up that incline and though at first I could feel her energy build it dissipated and let go completely as I closed my eyes and let out a long slow breath and saw us  in my mind waking. I felt the feet underneath me in a 1-2-3-4 … my hips and her hips. 

Mental imaging and visualization are so powerful and there are many people in fields from athletics to business and music who have written about it. 

  
Just over the weekend I performed with my faculty piano trio (I play the violin). We played a lesser known work by Josef Suk and there was a part that I hadn’t been particularly concerned about in advance that during the concert began to fall apart. I know as a performing violinist there is no past.  You go forward and pull it together in less than one note but something happened and fear kicked in. I envisioned missing more future notes…

What if it happens at that hard spot just ahead!!??

Well that mental glitch did cause me trouble until I could pull my mind forward and positive. It was like a plane heading down needing quick action before the crash. 

Hopefully what was a short rough passage to me didn’t ruin anyone’s experience that day – and thankfully my violin has never bucked me off, but it was another lesson in the power of positive and negative imaging. You can bring about your fears when you dwell on them.

I reflected back to that ride I bailed off my horse. I am certain my energy was saying something different than my hands and body. My horse is too sensitive to be ok with that kind of incongruity. It is a confusing lie to her. No wonder she threw a fit. 

What do you mean? Your energy says run … I am excited… and then pull my head back and put on the brakes! I am confused by this… what am I supposed to do here!?

Can you imagine telling a kid ‘of course you can have the cookies‘ then slapping their hand severely when they reach for them?

I think many horses are shut down because humans often aren’t aware of what their energy says to their horses so they have to ride with loud aids… hands and legs… but even tie downs and spurs and painful bits. Not that many of those tools don’t have a place in communication. A big problem is when our insides say one thing and our outsides say another. Horses run away from that confusion if they are able… and if not they shut down. 

It’s not so simple. The more I learn, the more I see how much ‘it depends’ is almost always the right answer to every horse training question however whenever tools and aids are used as a way not to develop better horsemanship in the human is always unfortunate for the horse… and the rider too when you look at the end result- what could have been possible. 

Also I am kind of blown away by how few people actually take a moment to do some groundwork before riding.  Maybe it’s just in my own world that I see the difference and I’m unique… maybe everyone else is just always connected that well to their horses. I see a massive difference when I do or do not now. And it’s not because my horse is unique or untrained. 

I have read of riders who believe the horse should be lunged before every ride- they say it’s helpful to ‘take the edge off- tire them out a little’. I’ve never bought that. If you can wear your horse down enough to make a difference physically in 5 minutes of lunging then your horse is in terrible shape. My guess is if that is working for the rider it’s most likely the lunging reconnects the horse somehow mentally. But I believe there are more effective ways to do that than a lunge line. 

I sense that too often ‘groundwork’ is something riders graduate from in order to ride. Once the riding starts groundwork is at best mediocre leading from pasture to barn for most. Or maybe that’s just how I’ve understood it over years past. Maybe most riders truly go through a series of requests intended to refocus the horse before they mount up. Maybe it’s just me who gets lazy. 

Lazy doesn’t = horeseman. 

Good horsemen are made in the details. That one small angle or movement that turns a vague request into a clear communication. If we expect the horse to change we never achieve greatness… if we try to change we just might… or at least get somewhere better than we are in the process. 

For me one way of looking at it is: 

Something goes wrong. 

Bad horseman blames the horse as (at best) not smart or worse a bad animal intentionally doing something wrong. The horse is punished or expected to change to fill in for the human. 

Good horseman looks first to themselves; believes that horses are a mirror only behaving as a horse can and asks what they did to bring about that behavior. The human looks to see where they can do better to help the horse. 

One thing that has worked out well for me so far is to take any failures or shortcomings in what I’m doing and find out what I can do to improve.

Of course the first step is to accept that I may not know it all and may look like an idiot. And I’m going to be at this journey a long time- I hope always learning. 

As one of my favorite horseman says You have to let go of what you think you know in order to learn what you need to know. (Dee Janelle)

  

Get it done. 

Monday, October 3, 2016

To follow up – pretty quickly – to my last blog; I did get back on that mare and we had a good ride. 

There’s something about being tossed that changed something in me. 

In looking back I think she was begging me to be a good leader like a kid who throws a tantrum and wants their way in reality does want a strong parent they know their limits and feel safe with. 

Then she gave me another chance (on the trail) to step up. 

Today I felt different – we are doing a job and I can be a good boss but you work for me. 

It’s that simple. Get it done. 

To start I went into the field and both were a ways off. Holding the rope halter I watched and waited to see what would happen (prepared for anything… she could head to the far corner, she could do her bucking and running act, she could come right to me…). 

She walked to the water trough, stood a moment in the corner not facing me.

I stood still where I was.

She meandered to an empty feed bowl and licked the bottom for crumbs. 

I stood still where I was.

She walked toward me and stopped in front of me looking into another nearby feed bowl (empty).

I stood still where I was.

She reached her nose toward me. 

I reached out to her neck and gave a rub. 

She stood still. 

I haltered her and we walked out together. 

She was great at all speeds and had perfect back ups to without aid. She was tuned in to my every move. 

We went to meet a friend for a good 12 miles and I acted (in Dr Bennetts words) more leaderish which seemed to translate my horse more followerish.   

  
 I upped my game and she responded wonderfully. It wasn’t perfect – she hates sharing the trail and we humans forced that issue a lot trotting along side-by-side and me always ahead of a little snarl or positioning (possibly- I never let it get set up) to throw a warning kick. 

It was a nice ride on a lovely early fall morning. 

Back on track for now at least!

  

Balance Point

Sunday, October 2, 2016

I hope you have enjoyed riding high with me through my blogs lately… as sure as the world turns nothing lasts forever.

Balance has been a key theme in my life for a long long time. A long time. 

I’ve heard that slightly ‘unbalanced’ people are often very effective and change the world… I’ve also heard those people can be hard to live with. 

In my horse world the balance I most often struggle with is the concepts of leadership vs force. I don’t want to use force but at the same time I don’t want to my horse to take over thinking I’m not a suitable leader. I want her to know I listen to her and value her opinions, however I do not want her to decide she is the one really making the decisions. 

My desire is to create a partnership where my horse and I work together with us both agreeing that I am in charge in the end. This is a balancing act that might take me the rest of my life to fine tune. And my hope is I learn how to understand individual horses better in the process. 

The other option is to create a safe, respectful horse that is a good soldier and when you ask for something he wants to do it every time in a basically robotic fashion and you never need to worry he will question you. He will ride you over the cliff if you asked him to. Without a debate or question. 

My way is a little trickier. I get some debates and questions from my mare. Sometimes they are helpful and sometimes not so much. 

Be careful what you ask for!

Yesterday I went to the field and Khaleesi came right over, put her head in the halter and walked in with me, tacked up easy and we were in the yard for the first time in a while. I’ve been trailering to ride off property because I enjoy skipping the drama of having to leave the farm horses and return home. She resists the gate. It’s slight resistance and once we’re out we’re fine, but she doesn’t like to leave. 

Oh- and sometimes she can be in a hurry to get home. Not every ride but the trailer to separate location just skips all that completely. 

I decided to try a ‘Birdie Book’ suggestion of just pointing her where I wanted to go (out the gate) and not forcing her to walk there but waiting for her to want to. 

I thought if nothing else it would be interesting to see what happened. We got close to the gate and then just stopped. I kept her head pointing that way and waited with my energy moving OUT the gate. I imagined her right, rear, white sock foot picking up and starting a nice forward walk. I actually looked down at that foot and willed it to move. 

 

facing the iron gates… come on girl lets go!
 
And it worked. 

We got a few more steps. 

In total leaving the property took me about 12 minutes but in the end she went more willingly than usual. 

I decided that I was not in any hurry, no mileage goal, and that we would just enjoy some time together alone. 

The balance began to tip right away. 

And I let it. 

First she was pokey with her walk. I didn’t want to ‘argue’ and wasn’t in a hurry so I let her pick a slow pace as long as she kept moving.

She’d grab a bite of grass once in a while (something I usually allow especially if we keep moving). I’d have to ask her to keep moving…

I stopped to clip some more briars (more grazing for her) and when I asked her to stand next to a down tree for me to mount her she kept stepping over the tree- she even walked into me! I got on and she walked off…. so I got off again…

Pretty uncooperative with the mounting (unusually so) when she offered me the other side to get on… well, I thought that’s fine. As long as she’ll stand still. 

We continued on leisurely and at some point time was running out on my day and though I’d hoped to wear her out a little more (we didn’t make it to the big hill) I needed to turn around. 

She was thrilled. She immediately offered a nice trot and we were in a good area for it so I said ok. 

Not really my idea… she is still basically in control here. 

Then one of my favorite canter spots and she began to run…. against my better judgement I gave in to her super fast canter up the hill and felt the wind in my face loving how strong she felt and how fast she could run when she wanted to….

Then at the top we return to my rougher trail. We are not running all the way home. I made her slow down and she was not happy with that. I had to do some figure 8s to get her back with me and once I felt her comply (though somewhat resentfully- not with softness) we moved toward the trail which begins with a dirt hump that is a quick but steep up-down. 
I knew she (like all my horses) would want to run up that little hump and I knew today she would take that little opportunity to rocket us onto the obstacle like trail that was still a bit wet and occasionally slippery in places. 

As we reached the top of the mound I was ready and so was she. I pulled back on the reins as she began to try to run down and she tossed her head and bucked. 

Now she could have felt off balance up there but make no mistake, she was mad. This was a tantrum. And considering I had not acted like much of a leader all morning she was going to use this moment to see if she could shift that balance completely and go all out for the hostile take over. 

Being at the top of that little hill gave her buck some extra destabilization and I tipped forward onto her neck with one foot coming out of the stirrup. I was still on but we were now heading down the mound hill dancing with us both trying to gain control. 

This was the first time she has intentionally tried to dump me. I decided to bail as I could still control a slight fall instead of ride it out and maybe end up tossed at a higher speed. 

I pulled my leg over and dropped to the ground clear of her legs, not holding the reins (no way did I want to pull her onto me) and I watched her feet move away from me sideways then once she knew she was clear she hauled ass and thundered away as fast as I’ve seen her run. 

Oh well. Here we are. You can’t ride horses and never end up on the ground. It sometimes amazes me it doesn’t happen more often. 

I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t really hurt (a little bruised where I hit on my lower side). I was about 4 miles from home and assumed I’d find my horse grazing in the yard and hoped no one would panic when they didn’t find me anywhere. 

I had my cell phone I could probably find a spot to text an ‘I’m ok‘ message at least to Ed. 

Thankfully there was a massive downed tree that we had taken a large detour down into the hollow on our way out. It was about 1/4 mile from where I was left, and I found her waiting for me not too far from the obstacle. 

  
She’s pretty smart. I don’t think she couldn’t have figured out how to get home, but she had run out her frustration and was just standing there maybe deciding to wait for me after all. 

I wasn’t sure if she’d evade me… she did not… also I was not emotional or angry.
I was in the moment. The bucking was in the past. It was over. She was calm and so was I. And I did not allow myself to think about the future maybe she’ll do it again! 

She was in the moment too. Not fussy or agitated. She wasn’t grazing, eating or looking for a way through. She was just standing there watching for me. As if we hadn’t just had a fight. 

One small (or big) difference was that now I was more sure of being the one in charge… the leader. Apparently I’d lost my balance on that earlier and being tossed in the mud had been enough of a wake up call that seemed to give me an immediate shot of ‘leader’ energy. 

I picked up her lead rope and walked her in hand down the ravine and insisted she stay slightly behind me and she was good as gold. We navigated the muddy hillside with downs and obstacles with no trouble. 

When we got back onto the main trail I required her to stand still-then expected we would walk calmly. She could move as fast as she wanted as long as we were in a walk gait. 

A tiny part of me asked: do you think she’ll throw you again now that she learned she can??

Doesn’t matter, I answered myself. Right now she is walking calmly and I am fine. 

After long stretches of loose calm forward walking I asked for a trot and got one in control and at the slow speed I wanted. 

Then walk again. 

She was fine the entire ride home. 

But I learned about balance… and the loss of it in the wrong direction…the hard way. 

I have heard more than one horse-person I respect say that 100% is what is demanded. You can’t be a leader unless you are a leader 100% of the time. 

Of course being a leader isn’t a simple as it sounds. It doesn’t mean being bossy, or doesn’t mean being critical… it doesn’t mean being demanding. It is never about being mad, mean or nagging. Those things are easy. 

Being a leader is a fine balance of staying unemotional, knowing what you want and sticking to it firmly and fairly. It’s being able to listen to your team (in this case a horse- which has its own language barriers if you are a human like me) and take their thoughts and feeling under advisement using the information to move forward. 

Imagine working for someone who is sometimes a great leader and sometimes just not ‘there’. I imagine that could be frustrating. I know that for this to really work I have to strive for 100% consistency. 

It would be easier to create a soldier horse and be bossy…..

Today I woke up with no bruising and a little stiffness but no real damage. I plan to get out again on Khaleesi tomorrow. I expect to be a better leader from my experience.

Still learning. Every day.